Amazing…

I just don’t know how he does it…

I got some bad news today and Peter came online to talk to me for a bit, tell me not to worry and all that. But it didn’t help much as I started to cry and I insisted on hearing his voice. And amazingly… for the rest of the day I haven’t been snappy. You see, I’ve been getting snappy lately because I usually have a headache and sore eyes. From what? I’m not quite sure but I know it’s something in my house that causes it. So anyway, I still have a headache and sore eyes but no snappiness. I’m still stressed, I’m still sad… but for some reason it all seems ok.

I’ve acknowledged to myself that he doesn’t feel the same way about me that I do him. And it doesn’t change a thing… I’ve tried thinking about moving on and “putting myself back on the market” per se. But, I just can’t do it. I don’t know what it is. I don’t understand… but I couldn’t really care less right now. I’m sure my feelings will change… everything changes. But considering it’s been more than a year since it became obvious that there was never any mutual intention of our relationship lasting past his stay in Canada (that became evident even while he was still here)… I still love him just as much – if not more if that’s even possible.

I feel pretty stupid but I’m writing about it hoping that it will help my healing. The funny thing about all of this is that it’s not unhealthy, at least not in any extreme way. I wish it were an option to remove him from my life… but to be honest I don’t ever want to go back to what my life was like before I met him. The pain I feel of missing him is nothing compared to what I was missing before… I guess that’s why I said before that it doesn’t even matter to me if we are just friends, just as long as he’s always in my life and always close.

responses to “Amazing…” 3

  1. Trench… yeah there’s stuff in the house definitely giving me allergies but no allergy medication works and i have an air purifier in my room but still not much help, though some days are better than others

  2. Aside from allergies *ahem*, it is quite perfectly natural to feel the way you do. Indeed, your short bio describing yourself as “Hopelessy in love unrequited” is exactly how you feel, but do not *I repeat* DO NOT let it define who you are. It is only how you feel, not who you are. Upon realizing that it is a feeling, and not who you really are, it is possible to feel a sense of empowerment knowing that if this is the case, that you can control your own feelings girl. You know, I got nothing but love for you. I know what it’s like, really I do.

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