I’ve experienced rejection. In fact, I’d like to say I experience rejection on a daily basis because I ask for things even if I’m afraid to ask for them1. But this one rejection has shaken me to my core… and I can’t figure out why.
Logic would tell me that based on his actions that contradict the words he used means that he isn’t the person I thought he was and should be written off. But another line of logic tells me that the person I thought he was would have a reasonable explanation for his actions2. And so I get stuck in this loop.
If he was the good person that I thought he was: the person who would only do something because he thinks it is the most respectful way of treating me then that means I am not a worthy person. But I know that I am a worthy person. That means that he isn’t the good person that I thought he was. And I don’t like writing people off that easily. I think it’s rude. I don’t think he has done anything to intentionally hurt me and so it doesn’t warrant my being rude.
But continuing to believe that he is as good a person as I thought he was hurts me on a level I have no experience with. I’m dealing with it but it’s going to take a lot of time. Time that I feel I could have saved if he had respected me in the first place and just told me the truth: either he never wanted to be friends or he just can’t handle being friends with me right now. If he did tell me the latter, I didn’t understand him clearly enough. But I’m not going to reach out again so I’ll never know.
There is so much more going on that I want to write about but I’ve run out of time. I’m off to see 50/50 with the lovely Ashley Gibson.
Oh but quickly before I go: Thank you so much to the smoking hot Raymi for the shout-out on her blog. I feel like I’m on fire 😉
Also, did you know that I love Christine Estima <3