fragileheart's journal

So you wanna go to DefineTO,
But you don’t have any dough.
That’s okay because I’ve got a pair
Of tickets to, ‘the gun show’
Wait, no I mean, ‘the affair’
Tomorrow night. For all you know,
The winner? It could be you!

Ok, I think that’s about all the poetry I’ve got in me today… I’m going to make this short and sweet. To win the tickets:

1. You must be following me on twitter: @fragileheart (this is so I can DM you if you win).
2. You must be following them on twitter: @defineTO¹.
3. Answer their tweet below, be sure to mention me in your reply:

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

— DefineTO (@DefineTO) April 10, 2012

I will be picking a random winner² at noon tomorrow! Good luck!

Footnotes:

1. obvs[↩]
2. via random.org[↩]

February is Heart month and my dear friend¹, Shannon Hunter, has put together a super FUNdraiser called Love a Heart which is in it’s 2nd year; All proceeds go to the Heart & Stroke Foundation.

She had actually asked me last year but I turned it down because I was in enough “complicated” situations that I couldn’t even fathom going up on stage in such a high-pressure situation. This year however, I was pretty excited when she asked me again. I got even more excited when I heard my wifey, Christine, was also being auctioned off… and then I heard about the other wonderful women who will be auctioned off².

I don’t think I belong up on stage with these ladies, but I’m so happy to have been asked that I’m just going to go up on stage and have fun. I think so long as no one throws any food or drinks at me it’ll be fun. If you aren’t doing anything on Febraury 9th and you want to watch me feel really nervous on stage while people³ yell out seemingly random though somewhat sequential numbers at me then you should come to the Hideout at or shortly after 8pm. Full event details can be found on facebook.

Moving on to less-neurotic thoughts, I’m excited to learn more about the date packages that each bachelorette & bachelor will be paired up with. I like fun dates. Dinner is great for the first date but you learn so much about a person from watching them conduct activities… like rock-climbing for example. What a fun date that is. I’m also super excited about the private fitting that Rent Frock Repeat has organized for us Bachelorettes tonight.

RFR also be generous enough to give anyone who uses the code LOVEAHEART a 10% discount. I hope I find something within my limited budget but if not, it’ll be a fun to try on dresses with the other hot bachelorettes who will be attending⁴.

While I wasn’t a Bachelorette last year I did attend to give moral support to my friends who had been auctioned off and it was quite a fun night and I’m sure this year will be no different. If you’re a fan of Tiny Danza‘s music⁵, they’ll be playing a set between the Bachelor & the Bachelorette auctions!

It’ll be a super fun night and I hope you can come out and show⁶ some moral support⁷!

You know me and questions, I like to ask them: What is your favourite activity to do on a date?

Footnotes:

1. all star-columnist at Women’s Post and Community Manager[↩]
2. and I kind of got scared[↩]
3. hopefully[↩]
4. Guys, I know you’re picturing us all in our underwear now. You’re welcome[↩]
5. Of course you are[↩]
6. me[↩]
7. if not for me, then for some of the other Bachelor/ettes or for the Heart & Stroke Foundation[↩]

Good ol’ Stella. I have been following along with them more closely since La Societe was on everyone’s beaks¹ last year and after they threw the super awesome, super secret Underground party in the old Bay Subway station and I thought I was completely sold.

But their latest campaign that got people talking about how their Street Teams were giving away complimentary samples of their beer just made me love them even more… add to that how amazing anyone on the Stella Street Team² and they’ve found themselves a fan for life in me.

And you know what happens when you love a brand right? They love you right back and I have some lovin’ to give right back to you, my darling readers, by way of TWO lovely Stella Artois Legere t-shirts designed by Toronto artist Dave Murray. You can see what it looks like in the pictures below… once the winner is picked, we’ll talk sizing.

Oh but that’s not all – I’ve ALSO got two pairs of passes to the Block Party on August 13th that I am sure will be super awesome³. Side note: I’m going on the assumption here that you know that #downtown won the race for hosting this block party and my id and I would like to think that I had something to do with it but my ego knows better.

TO QUALIFY we must be friends on facebook so add me up. Please include a message to tell me that you’re a reader of my blog and that you want to add me to enter the contest⁴. After you’ve done that, you’ll want to give the ol’ thumbs up to Stella Artois Legere’s Facebook page. because I will be checking and I’m sorry to say but you can’t win if you haven’t given ‘er.

After that? I’m afraid you’ll just have to watch my news feed on Facebook to see how you can actually win these things. What, and you thought this was going to be easy? Clearly you don’t know me at all⁵.

I’m going to leave you with some details about the block party:
DATE: Saturday, August 13, 2011
TIME: 8pm-midnight
LOCATION: 525 King Street West (West side of Starbucks, South side of King street)

(The party will be for 600 people, entrance is subject to capacity. Now, anyone of legal drinking age or older can RSVP to get on the guest list – all you have to do is go to Stella Artois Legere’s Facebook page. If you’ve already RSVP’d, no need to enter⁶ but feel free to anyway).

Footnotes:

1. so you know, on twitter[↩]
2. the light taste of the beer helps too[↩]
3. if I’m going to base my expectations on the secret subway party and the awesomeness of that event[↩]
4. I’d explain why but I’m sure you understand[↩]
5. I don’t blame you, I’m pretty introverted[↩]
6. or even add me to Facebook right?[↩]

Warning: This is a very long post. I know I’ve said that I don’t do long posts but… well… its a feakin’ log. What do you want from me?

So I decided sometime in the evening on Ash Wednesday¹ 2009 to deactivate my facebook account. The decision was not that hard, and my movements were swift. I hesitated only to read the fine print on the deactivation page, then quickly selected “This is temporary. I’ll be back” as my reason for doing so. There was no point in lying about it, I knew I couldn’t live without it forever. Below is my thoughts/tribulations/report on my progress until such time that I break this fast:

Thu, Feb 27 @ 12:32: So far so good. I’ve only almost clicked on my bookmark once. I did realise though that I was entirely too reliant on facebook to look for people to go out with. So I resorted to email and text messages. Next, I might actually make a phone call².

14:49: Um. I’m craving cookies. I never crave cookies and I’m blaming my decision to quit facebook cold turkey for this craving. I can’t even have cookies because I gave up junk food for lent. Thank goodness for clementines³.

16:55: Its the end of the day and I’m winding down from work mode. This is usually another key time that I check up on my facebook account. I haven’t gone crazy yet but I am still craving cookies. Will be eating plenty of smartfood later today. Gah.

20:43: I only managed to stay away for this long because I was out running errands and then having dinner. And damn American Idol has taken over CTV tonight so CSI has been pushed to 9pm and there is no Grey’s Anatomy⁴. We ate early so that I could start watching my shows at 8… and now I have to wait until 9. I’m itching to activate my account but… I must… resist.

I actually had to log in earlier because I realised that someone that I had just found didn’t have my contact information and we’re trying to plan for me to visit her out west⁵ but I was in and out like a woman cheating on Jenny Craig with McDonald’s. Has it been 40 days yet?

Also, I’ve deleted my bookmarks to avoid further tempation.

Fri, Feb 27 @ 10:15: I had a teensy bit of work to look after when I got in this morning. It lasted about an hour and now I’m itching. I’m trying to find someone *else* to take to a DJ gig in the third week of March and no one in my email list or phone list would go with me. I would usually resort to looking for someone on facebook… but… I cut off that life line didn’t I? Gah.

The problem is that pre-sale tickets are only $25. They will most likely be $35 in a week or so and $45 if purchased at the door⁶. I would prefer to find someone now. I could buy my ticket and hope to find someone to go with. I could go on my own⁷ or I could sell my ticket the night of, but I’d rather not be stuck doing that.

16:04: Huh? Huh? I did well no? Actually, I was pretty busy with work today so I didn’t have time to think about facebook. But alas, here we are near the end of the day again. Being Friday, obviously my ‘wind-down’ starts a bit earlier. Also, I found someone to go to the DJ gig with me which eliminated my ‘need’ to contact anyone else on facebook. Yay!

Tue, Mar 3 @ 16:47: I know it may seem like I’ve gone a few days without thinking of facebook but its a complete farce. The weekend was a little easier to live without facebook because I wasn’t sitting at a desk for the entire day. Also, I had to reformat the laptop so when I was at home I wasn’t able to sit at the computer and do anything except click ‘Next >’.

I’ve gotten a few messages from people who have said they miss me on facebook, and it pulled at my heart but I had to stay strong. I have discovered though who some of my favourites are. They are people in my real life who appreciate my love for my blog and have crossed the boundary of commenting on my posts. You know who you are and I have mad love for you.

23:32: I’m about to go to bed and for some reason, all I want to do is log in and see if anyone has posted any pictures up. I believe the phrase is, “What the fuck?!”

Fri, Mar 6 @ 13:25: I’m laughing because people have only started to notice that I am not on facebook anymore. People who usually try to arrange things via facebook messaging or events⁸. I’ve already considered going back because I want to organise a karaoke night a week from now. But I’ve decided to try email first. If that doesn’t work in the next day or two, I’ll start using the phone. *gasp* What is happening to me?!

Mon, Mar 9 @ 23:33: Don’t think I was some sort of super-woman to have been able to stay away from the log and facebook for the entire weekend. Oh no. I am no super-anything… except maybe super-addicted. I only managed to stay off both because I was on twitter for the entire weekend. And I decided to clean up my music files. I almost gave it again tonight because someone invited me to a super secret event that they were organising through facebook⁹ but lucky for me they agreed to include me via email! I can’t wait either – its going to be such a rocking good time.

Wed, Mar 17 @ 23:44: Ok so its been more than a week since I’ve logged anything regarding facebook… I think it has more to do with the fact that I’ve managed to keep myself busy without turning to facebook for social interaction. And really, that was the whole point of this exercise in the first place so I guess I can say that I’ve succeeded. Either that or the drinks I’ve had for 2009′s St. Patrick’s day have finally kicked in and I have no idea what I’m talking about…

Fri, Mar 20 @ 15 :47: I really want to go back on facebook now. But at the same time I’ve had such a relaxed time away from it that I’m not sure I ever want to go back. Sure there is a void in those moments that I’m bored¹⁰, and I wonder if its enough to make me go back. I think not wanting to miss out on events would be the biggest reason to go back – since that is apparently the new way the world wants to organise events. I got a text from an old friend who never logs into facebook stating that he almost forgot to invite me to his birthday celebration because I wasn’t on facebook. WTF?! What is this world coming to?

Tue, Mar 24 @ 14:35: Ok so it’s official. The one thing that sucks about living without facebook these days is that most people use it as the chosen method to organise events. I’m trying to organise a karaoke night this coming weekend and I can think of about 6 other people I could add to my list if I were still on facebook. I’m tempted to log back in just to take down their email addresses but I know I’ll be tempted to look for other updates if I do. I must be strong!

Footnotes:

1. February 25[↩]
2. blasphemy![↩]
3. gag[↩]
4. I’m screaming bloody MURDER here!![↩]
5. Ooh a trip outside of Ontario but within Canada![↩]
6. if not more[↩]
7. The people that go to these gigs always leave you alone as soon as you say no anyway[↩]
8. so basically, people like me[↩]
9. damnit, why does everyone do that?![↩]
10. all though I’m usually only bored if I do silly things like skip Hot Yoga[↩]

I don’t remember it all that clearly, and there could be a number of explanations for this¹ but that is neither here nor there. I remember meeting him for the first time and thinking how cute he was. I had just begun to make friends at my new High School² and things were going well. He was a good friend of Kevin’s³. Kevin was an old friend from Dubai who had moved here before my family so I trusted him.

We hit it off and were in love before I could even say ‘Jump’. He would spend long bus and subway trips just to come downtown to be with me. We would fight quite a lot, but I always thought it was because we were both so passionate. Eventually, I took his virginity and, if it was possible, we fell even deeper in love. The school year was coming to an end and I was feeling like a change⁴. When I was younger, the easiest thing to change was my hair… so without warning, I chopped it all off. A few days later, after yet another heated argument over the phone he broke up with me. Saying that he couldn’t take fighting with me anymore. I knew he was lying, but I also knew it was useless to fight it.

I was devastated. School was out and I had no one to turn to. At least I didn’t think I had anyone to turn to. In retrospect, if I had only called someone… anyone of my friends from school to hang out I’m sure they would have. I remember calling one of his friends who had become my friend through our relationship crying sometimes. Shane³ was a really sweet guy and probably just couldn’t say no to me whenever I called but I’m sure the last thing he wanted was to listen to his friend’s ex crying over the phone. I soon got tired of bothering Shane and must have decided to turn my attention elsewhere.

Or I may have already been dabbling in online journaling when we were together. This is actually the part that I don’t remember that clearly. It’s as if I’ve always been doing this, but we all know that I couldn’t have been. That summer, I also found out about a chat room on mIRC called #416⁵ where all ‘the cool kids’ hung out. I started going and mainly lurked for the first little while. Slowly, as people started recognising my handle and that I had been coming in every day some of the other regulars started chatting with me, “A/S/L?” Oh god – the horror!

Regardless of the perils⁶ of mIRC, I was able to meet people who were also interested in web design and online journaling⁷. Their interest in it all fed my interest and so began my obsession with airing out my dirty laundry for all to see. Of course, I have a lot more readers now than I ever did back then and I tend to censor⁸ my writing because of it, but I don’t think I would have traded the experience for anything else in the world.

This story was brought to you in celebration of my 500th post in this life of fragileheart’s journal⁹.

How did you start blogging? Are you glad you did?

Footnotes:

1. repression or ‘things’ I’ve done since that have altered my memory.. hehe[↩]
2. Oakwood C.I. for those who remember from my 100 things[↩]
3. name has been changed to protect the innocent[↩][↩]
4. I’m sure we all get that sometimes[↩]
5. the area code for Toront[↩]
6. or lameness[↩]
7. I’m calling it this because in 1997, it wasn’t called ‘Blogging’ yet[↩]
8. and actually edit[↩]
9. I’m sure the number is actually higher if I could all the archives that are offline[↩]