War

11 Nov 2011 at 13:04

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I don’t like to think about war and the destruction that is naturally associated with it but I’m forcing myself to do so today because so many people lived1 it for the sake of the future – for us. Our generation often waxes poetic about how generations of the past didn’t know any better2 but they sure had more faith that we do.

I can only begin to imagine what they went through3 and what I imagine is intense and so powerful… and I can’t help but think that it must have been that much more so.

We don’t know what it feels like to be constantly on edge fearing for your life and yet having to find some meaning in your existence; something to find joy in. While I think war is wasteful and absolutely fucking stupid, I am in awe of the people who went to war for what they believed in. Being around that much death, being the one to execute someone’s life changes a person.

I could have complaints about my life but it’s people like those who fought in war4 that drive me to force myself to suck. it. up. I’m only human and will let complaints slip out every now and then but I know how blessed of a life I have led and continue to lead. So today, I am going to mourn the people I’ll never get to meet because they died fighting for our freedom; the people who survived their friends and come back broken; the people who didn’t go to war but had to attempt to continue to live their lives while their most-beloved is out fighting for their lives (and are no doubt equally broken).

I wasn’t living in this part of the world when it all happened5 and I have been lucky enough that my life hasn’t been directly touched by any subsequent wars/battles but I am enjoying the benefits of their sacrifices and I’ll be damned if I take any of it for granted.

Footnotes:
  1. I am aware some still do, I think about them too[↩]
  2. take the current environmental issues we’re dealing with for example[↩]
  3. yes, I know I can read about it too but even only that limits my experience to the spread of my own imagination[↩]
  4. and those who are still living in war now[↩]
  5. I wasn’t living at all when any of it happened[↩]

When change hurts

06 Nov 2011 at 15:00

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Events & Occasions

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It has been a journey to say the least. The last few months have been a wonderful whirlwind of ups, downs and important lessons and realizations. I think the one lesson that I didn’t expect to learn after all this is that despite being able to adapt to my surroundings extremely well -how much my bearings are affected if I don’t have a proper place to sleep.

For the last three months I have been sleeping on my Ikea love-seat because I couldn’t sleep on my bed1 until three nights ago. Depending on what way you look at it, you could say it cost me a lot but I don’t think placing blame on circumstance does me any good so it just is what it was: a learning experience. Heck, it didn’t kill me right?

30 years. As of some time in the late evening on November 7th, the cells and whatever spirit that make up this girl right here would have been alive for 30 years. I’ll admit there is a part of me that feels like a bit of a disappointment but then there’s another part of me that knows that my life is only just beginning so long as I allow myself the chance at said beginning.

Live each day as if it were your last. Someone great said that to me recently as we were walking the 6.5kms to my new home2 at 4am. By the way, don’t let the knowledge of this act taint your image of bohunkCA; he was the perfect jerk as always – and yes ladies, he was totally topless the whole way there ;)

I want to make an art out of living life, where I find joy in every little moment of every day – regardless of what is going on at the time. Growing up, I had never really paid much attention to the things that really made my heart soar. I knew the obvious things like music3, food, love, and sex… all those self-indulgent sort of things. But now I’m paying more attention to how happy it makes me to be around people like my family and closest friends4.

I know I have lot of work to do up ahead of me but I do think I am up to the task. It feels strange to say that I have never really felt this ready before but I guess I’m just done being afraid. I’m still in the process of getting my life back but I have no doubt that whatever is coming next is going to be amazing. It’s been amazing even when it should have been horrible so how could it not?!

I want to know though: did you love or hate turning 30?

Footnotes:
  1. I really don’t want to say it, don’t make me say it: I had bed bugs[↩]
  2. it was so old school I couldn’t resist but agree to walk home with him[↩]
  3. specifically singing[↩]
  4. the ones who have stuck by me no matter what fucked up shit I’ve done – you know who you are[↩]

“What a lovely evening for a Block Party” indeed!

15 Aug 2011 at 11:00

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Events & Occasions

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Stella Artois Legere Block Party by Lauren O'Nizzle

(Quote in the title was a tweet I remembered but I couldn’t find the original tweet -my bad!)

It was a fun-filled evening and I’m so happy it all worked out. There was a moment where I thought I wouldn’t be able to make the Stella Artois Legere Block Party this past Saturday. My colleagues and I had been wanting to attend a TFC match (huge thank you again to Jon Sinden!) for some time but for one reason or another the cosmos made it so we were only able to attend the game against Real Salt Lake which just happened to be at the same time as the party!

Growing up in Dubai, I don’t feel like I was able to experience what a true block party would have been like and in my eyes they did well. Anyone who was around me that night can attest to the fact that I ate 3 ice cream cones and bought 2 poutines1! If that isn’t indulging like a kid I don’t know what is! I do kind of wish they had a pop-corn machine but I think my cholesterol levels are grateful that they didn’t.

I cycled down from BMO field in my yellow summer dress and couldn’t help but smile at what I could see from the street; they did a great job turning the parking lot at 529 King Street West into what I would have envisioned an old fashioned Block Party would have been like2. They had a TTC bus parked beside a fire truck in one corner of the parking lot. Awesome musical acts lie Tom Wrecks and 1 LOVE TO did their thing from the roof of said fire truck and made me want to climb up and join them.

Upon entering all attendees were given two drink tickets, a red ticket and a blue ticket. The red ticket was redeemable for a soft-serve ice cream cone3 OR a slushie from the Ice Cream truck. The blue ticket was redeemable for poutine or french fries from the food truck. Amazeballs.

There’s more: they had a display of the Dave Murray t-shirts in another corner of the parking lot where you could answer trivia questions and win one of the t-shirts! Ryan Nussbacher won one, you can ask him about it… I think he may even have video evidence. They had a vending machine that they filled with Dave Murray Stella & Toronto postcards OR Goodlife passes4. They had a photobooth and button making station. I think the button making station was the biggest hit in terms of activities. I know I love my Reggy <3 Affan Imran button that we made5.

Since I cycled down I attempted to stay at a slow drinking pace and be responsible. I think I did well. Thanks to my ever awesome date, Affan. I chugged a Vitamin Water when I first got to the bar and then we grabbed some yummy Légères. What I love the most about the planning of the night: there was an excellent flow when trying to move through all the activities. I never felt like I had to make an effort to “walk all the way across the party6” to get to something I wanted to do.

I also thoroughly enjoyed being interviewed by the dude who interviewed me whose name I failed to ask for. He asked me some lovely questions and I wasn’t nervous like I normally would have been when a camera’s record button turns on. My night continued on for a little bit longer after the Block Party dispersed after the pumpkin hour but the well organized, well decorated Block Party was an absolute favourite this summer. Thanks guys!

My question to you is: What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the words “Block Party”?

Photo courtesy of my favourite geek-celebrity-sweetheart Lauren O’Nizzle.

Footnotes:
  1. I gave away my 2nd poutine[↩]
  2. okay minus the houses where people lived, but still[↩]
  3. vanilla, chocolate or swirl[↩]
  4. again won by answering trivia questions[↩]
  5. you better keep that thing, Affan[↩]
  6. because heavens to betsy I have to walk somewhere?!![↩]

Happy Love Day!

14 Feb 2011 at 11:30

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Oh Valentine’s Day. The last of the holidays that could make you feel like absolute crap if you let it. There is no wonder that March 1st 2009 was like my own personal New Year.

Love; companionship; having someone understand you; having someone who wants you around or thinks about you all the time. Some of these could be argued to be dependence rather than love.. I’m not interested in hashing out that debate.

Being “in love” and having the butterflies in your stomach that make you smile when the rest of your day or world seems like hell. Love is a drug. And like any drug it can be addictive. It’s effect also fades over time as your body becomes accustomed to having the flowing through your blood stream. How do you keep it alive? There is no easy answer; each couple or situation will have a different solution that will work for them. There is no easy formula.

On the eve of this feel-good holiday I find myself having a weak moment. I’ll be honest and say that I miss having someone make a romantic gesture to get my attention. Being single and having my independence is great but I’ll be honest that all these valentine’s day themed shows and whatever else have me missing being the metaphorical apple of someone’s eye1.

What it boils down to is that I am a hopeless romantic and with all that I’ve gone through in the last six years, it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than… well.. just a lot more that it used to. Not that I’m about to change my name or anything but I think this fragile heart just got a bit harder2.

How does Valentine’s Day make you feel? Does it make you feel every bit as hopeful as this video below? Or does it make you want to hurt people?

Footnotes:
  1. No need to feel bad for me though k? I’m just being honest about my feelings. I’ll be over it before this post publishes[↩]
  2. don’t worry, this hopeless romantic still believes that there will be a happily ever after out there for me[↩]

Character

02 Jan 2011 at 11:00

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Who are you? Who do think you are? Who do other people think you are? It’s all fine and dandy not to care what other people think of you but it isn’t always that easy. This is my 29th New Year’s celebration and there was no bang; no major transformation. And I like it; landmarks, milestones and special moments in life are better when they happen unexpectedly. I’m beginning to think that maybe I shouldn’t have put so much meaning into birthdays and New Years through the years – though I can’t quite pinpoint why I’m questioning something like that.

We do what’s right because we want to be good people1. Sometimes a person does something that isn’t right but necessary. Sometimes that person does what she can to hide it. As long as you learn from your mistakes, it makes it ok. Right. Learn. What if you don’t learn? Does it automatically make you a bad person? What if you try but you just can’t seem to get it right? What if you were incapable? I know it seems hard to imagine that someone would be incapable but there are psychological barriers that can prevent someone from seeing what’s right or seeing beyond what they want.

Forcing yourself to do something even when it’s out of character isn’t easy, but if you do it enough it’ll eventually become part of who you are. So try. Keep trying and allow yourself to make mistakes. If you allowed every mistake you made define you, it’d be a pretty horrible life. My heart is heavy with these thoughts2 which is why I have been silent. I imagine I will be silent for a little while longer because I am no where near done thinking. It takes 21 days to quit a habit. Just remember that.

Oh yeah. Happy New Year! May this mark the beginning of one of the best years and maybe even decade of your life.

Footnotes:
  1. speaking in generalizations here[↩]
  2. and so much more[↩]
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