Joanna Haughton: one of the hardest working women I know

She writes everyday, takes care of a handful of a baby girl, keeps a wonderful home for her rock star1 husband and manages to look amazing the entire time. Joanna Haughton is an actress, tv hostess and martial artist. I met her through Victoria Murdoch2 and am so glad I have her in my life.

She started writing her blog, Moda Mama, not long after she gave birth to her beautiful baby girl. She recently finished an 85 dress challenge, where3 she had to wear a different dress for 85 days without repeating one. It was partially a way to try to see what she could get rid of from her closet and also a challenge to herself to put together different looks.

I’ve been meaning to write about her since she started the 85 dress challenge but there has been a lot going on in life that kept me from writing on this blog4. If you like fashion delivered by a quirky but amazing sense of humour, visit Moda Mama and get hooked.

Footnotes:
  1. tee hee[]
  2. who is another one who falls into the category of ‘hardest working women I know’[]
  3. just in case it wasn’t clear[]
  4. at all[]

When people surprise you

I’ve been meeting a lot of new people lately, and it’s so… refreshing. I feel like I’m in University all over again, but with more freedom than I did when I was actually in University. It’s pretty freeing to be able to talk about anything and everything with people who have no reason to judge you based on your past, because they simply don’t know it. There’s something about making new friends that’s so great, sort of like starting a new relationship; when you still have the chance to shape it into whatever you want.

When I was younger, I never really paid attention to how my actions in-the-right-now would affect my relationship with people in the long-run. For the most part, I had the tendency to choose1 romance over friendship. There, I said it. Remember all those posts where I wondered why I didn’t have any girl friends. After the last year and a half I’ve certainly realised how stupid I actually was2 for never trying hard enough.

You learn a lot about yourself when you meet new people who are genuinely interested in learning about you. The stories you tell and how you tell them, can show you a lot about yourself that you wouldn’t really learn otherwise. The things I’m learning about myself are definitely things I never imagined I’d be described as, yet I haven’t been disappointed yet3. Of course, there are some things that I know I need to work on but, at least I know.

Speaking of people surprising me; it’s wonderful when you find people who are in the same ‘place’ in their life as you and you can share things that you wouldn’t be able to share with anyone else. I’m excited about enjoying people’s company without thinking I’m in love with them. Not that this has been a problem in the past with girlfriends but rather that I tended to only have male friends and boyfriends so it was hard to see that line between just genuinely enjoying someone’s company, and being in love with them.

Someone once told me that they loved this age4, and I’m honestly beginning to believe them.

How do you feel about meeting/learning new people?

p.s. Happy Friday the 13th5!

Footnotes:
  1. what I thought to be[]
  2. instead of being ‘smart’ like I thought I was[]
  3. Thank goodness![]
  4. I’m 28[]
  5. my favourite day of any year[]

Communicating *is* simple

I’m not sure why, but for the last few weeks the thought has consumed me and it’s filling me with regret. I don’t like living with regret. Whenever I start to regret something that’s in the past, I force myself to look at what I can learn from it and eventually forgive myself for whatever it was. But this regret, this one is going to be a little harder because it’s something that I had been doing over and over again for many years.

The thought, the.. regret that I am living with is that I always used to think that my significant other should be able to read my mind. I know, it’s ridiculous right? But all my teenage life1 that is how I handled my relationships. And bravo to the guys who managed to read my mind2 because they got rewarded with my undying affection. But as you can imagine, I was met with more disappointment than pleasant surprises with this frame of mind.

I used to think that as soon as I told my significant other what it was I wanted them to do, I didn’t want them to do it anymore because it wasn’t of their own volition. And my dear friend hindsight finally showed me a couple3 years ago that it is okay to tell someone how I want them to act or re-act to me. It’s still hard. For me.

It’s hard for me to remember that it’s ok to tell someone that I need them to just hear me and not get mad at me right now. It’s hard to imagine that someone won’t get offended when you tell them that you just need some alone time. It’s nearly impossible to think that someone will understand when you tell them your darkest thoughts and still be around when you come out.

True to regret, if I had known when I was a teenager that it was ok to speak such thoughts4 maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t feel so lonely most of the time.

Footnotes:
  1. and then some[]
  2. or just happen to whatever it was that I wanted them to[]
  3. yes, couple… as in two[]
  4. to anyone, not just a significant other… this rule applies to friends too[]

Drifting: does it always feel as good as it feels bad?

My dear friend and fellow blogger Erica of Fiveblondes.com, shared something really personal the other day and it got me thinking about the times I’ve done something similar to someone else. Granted if it was someone I was that1 close to, I would have been more honest… but that’s me. The thing is that I’m guilty of drifting… and sometimes2 out right ignoring the other person and sometimes… even totally out of the blue3.

I was living in Dublin and about to come home for a dear friend’s4 wedding. Maria5 started emailing me… about a textbook I borrowed from her the spring before, our last exam season together.  I wasn’t going to be in town for very long and I had a lot that I wanted to accomplish while I was here6 and her asking me for this text book really irked me7. I still don’t know why, because it’s not a complicated request… in fact it was a very simple request but I guess it was the simplicity of the request combined with the limited time I had that didn’t sit too well with me.

Perhaps too it was because she didn’t ask me if I wanted to meet up for drinks or any other social gathering… no, she asked me to bring the textbook to the wedding. To. The. Wedding. A wedding that was not taking place in Toronto. A wedding where I will be wearing something that can’t really get accessorized by a textbook.

Now, bless my Mum for playing along with this but I asked her to mail the textbook to Maria or at least try and organise it so that Maria could pick up the text from my Mum’s office8 so that I wouldn’t have to give her to textbook at the wedding. I don’t remember what actually happened, but I know she got it in the end.

At the wedding, I was polite as we shared a table with about 6 other people and our dates9 but I didn’t need to focus on trying not to talk to her because the rest of the table was just so much fun and the two of them just sat there like zombies, with barely a smile on their faces10.

After the wedding, I remember getting an email from her asking me what happened to us. It went on to talk about how we used to be so close and etc. I never replied to the email but it is still in my archives… I’m not sure I ever will really. And the sad thing is that I don’t really feel like there’s been anything missing in my life since she’s been gone from it.

Now, even though you’re my brain twin, I feel the need to specify this: Erica, I don’t think this story is similar to yours because honestly if you were gone from my life I know for sure there would be something missing – and I can only imagine that feeling is mutual for anyone who has met you.. because let’s face it, you’re freakin’ awesome. You see Maria unfortunately wasn’t so awesome… in fact, she was extremely negative. And who needs that in their life right? I wasn’t trying to find an explanation for why that girl11 essentially shunned you like she did but if I had to guess, it would be because she simply went insane. The end12.

Imagine you’re in an inflatable raft without oars at sea. You start out near the shore and slowly, but surely you start drifting farther and farther away from it. If you ignore your qualms, drifting starts to feel good – almost freeing… but there’s always that nagging voice at the back of your head that makes the drifting feel not-so-good. I feel like this good-bad feeling combo also applies to when you’re drifting apart from someone you either used to care about a lot or just used to spend a lot of time with. Of course the good to bad ratio varies depending on how much you cared about said person in the first place.

So what I want to know is this, have you ever been in a situation where drifting apart13 hasn’t felt good and bad at the same time?

Footnotes:
  1. as in as close as Eri was to that girl – no she doesn’t get a name in my story[]
  2. ok, maybe just one time[]
  3. seemingly, to the other person[]
  4. who I haven’t seen in over two years actually… perhaps this can be partially explained by this post… hm…[]
  5. name has been changed to protect… her[]
  6. and by accomplish, I mean drink[]
  7. read: annoyed the fuck outta[]
  8. which is at our University[]
  9. I brought my not-so little brother, she brought her bf who I’m pretty sure she’s still with[]
  10. did I mention it was a wedding-and-therefore-a-happy-occasion-I-thought-so[]
  11. yeah, still no name for her on my blog[]
  12. well, not really the end, there’s more… see below[]
  13. whether intentional or not[]