“Do you know me? At all?” — John Mayer, Do you know me? from Battle Studies.
What does it mean to know someone? Does it mean you know exactly what’s on their mind at all times? Does it mean you can predict what their reaction is going to be at any given moment? Or does it simply mean you can rely on them to never fuck you over? It’s terrifying to me when someone can almost read my mind because half the time I don’t feel like I know what I am thinking at any given moment.
One perk of having a significant other, or a best friend is that you ‘know’ each other; that you ‘get’ each other. Until recently, I had never experienced having a best friend and suddenly I am finding myself being able to name four people almost instantly who I could say would be able to predict some sort of action or thought. Now, don’t laugh1 but it’s funny how all it really took to go from feeling like I’ve never had a best friend to suddenly being able to think of four people who could easily fit the category was simply shifting my focus to keeping such friends. I wonder why it is that it took me 27 years to figure that out.
Looking back on all my relationships, I know exactly why none of them worked out. They weren’t my best friends. And I feel that to really make it in this day and age, you need to marry your best friend if you want any hope of surviving. What with open relationships and marriages and swingers and swaggers2. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’re probably a little shocked to read the ‘m’ word used so casually but I never said anything about me getting married! 😉 I’m still not convinced that marriage is something that will work for me based on too many things to talk about now. I’ll have to save it for another post.
This past winter, I met someone who I thought I knew pretty well soon after meeting him. Which sounds silly but for those of us who believe in things like destiny, it can feel pretty real. It’s hard to explain how you can feel like you just ‘know’ someone so soon after you met them but I’m hoping you’ve all been there to save me the attempt. In a way, I’m sure I still do ‘know’ him and maybe I really did know him all along except I never expected he would do what I knew him to be capable of, to me. All this has left me a little wary, a little cautious of meeting and getting to know new people at least in a romantic context3. So needless to say, it’ll be a slow healing process for once in my life.
I think it’s about time4.
Do you know me?
p.s. This post is in part a tribute to John Mayer; I was at his recent concert at the Molson Amphitheatre where he performed this song5. Elated, inspired, in-heaven are some words I would like to use to describe how I felt that evening and for a while after.
- ok I made that one up[↩]
- BUT it has been more than 6 months at this stage so I am making a bit more of an effort[↩]
- I tend to jump from one relationship to the next essentially make every relationship since my first love a long-ass rebound chain. Eeps.[↩]
- though I started writing this before I went to the concert – just goes to show how connected we are; John and I *smirk*[↩]