I’m borrowing this line from Jewel’s song, of which I posted the lyrics to a few years ago, to help me talk about something I’ve been dealing with for the last little while. All though, ‘dealing with’ is a phrase that I use loosely. I am not going through this thing at all… a friend is. He lost the love of his life and is taking it pretty hard. And sadly, it’s a pretty common theme no matter what stage of life you’re in.
I don’t make it a habit to be in contact with people who could possibly bring me down, because I’ve always been pretty dark myself1. But he is different. He’s a very kind soul, and I really feel for him. I feel bad that he’s been treated the way that he has and I wish there were some way to make him realise that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel that he’s in right now. But having had my heart broken a bunch of times before, I know better than to think that anything I say right now will make it all better.
Nothing but time will help him… but I’m worried that his will and want for things to go south will overcome any good that can come out of this situation. Am I being an eternal optimist by thinking that there is some good that come out of this? Maybe. But I’d rather be the eternal optimist than help him think this is the end for him and that the world would be better without him in it. I just don’t believe that.
Something else that came up as a debate within myself is whether its better to be the kind of person who lives and breathes for another person or to be the kind of person who can bounce back from anything because all they really need is themselves to be happy.
I finished reading The Notebook recently and it made me tear up everytime there was mention of this man devoting his life to this other person who wasn’t always there anymore. Just for the possibility that she’ll come back to him, even if only briefly. I’m sure everyone wants that: to be the person that someone devotes their life to making someone else happy. I think most people want to be that kind of person because its romantic… but its self-destructive at the same time.
When you live and breath for someone else’s happiness, your happiness and well-being tends to get neglected for if some reason or another the person that you choose doesn’t choose you – you’re done for. But let’s take the other extreme, and think about being the kind of person who can bounce back from rejection and continue life as if it was just as grand as the day before. Sure, you experience less heartache but when think back on your relationships will you really have the kind of memories that make you tear up a little bit remembering the elation you felt during your happiest times?
I know its possible to be both, because I like to believe that it is how I am. I tend to love whole-heartedly and allow my heart to get shattered into a million pieces. So far I have had no regrets in who I’ve loved2 and I have no intention of holding back anytime soon.
What do you think: Is it better to love whole-heartedly and risk having your heart broken in a million pieces OR is it better to hold back so you can continue living your life if the relationship were to end?