Everything breaks

I’m borrowing this line from Jewel’s song, of which I posted the lyrics to a few years ago, to help me talk about something I’ve been dealing with for the last little while. All though, ‘dealing with’ is a phrase that I use loosely. I am not going through this thing at all… a friend is. He lost the love of his life and is taking it pretty hard. And sadly, it’s a pretty common theme no matter what stage of life you’re in.

I don’t make it a habit to be in contact with people who could possibly bring me down, because I’ve always been pretty dark myself1. But he is different. He’s a very kind soul, and I really feel for him. I feel bad that he’s been treated the way that he has and I wish there were some way to make him realise that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel that he’s in right now. But having had my heart broken a bunch of times before, I know better than to think that anything I say right now will make it all better.

Nothing but time will help him… but I’m worried that his will and want for things to go south will overcome any good that can come out of this situation. Am I being an eternal optimist by thinking that there is some good that come out of this? Maybe. But I’d rather be the eternal optimist than help him think this is the end for him and that the world would be better without him in it. I just don’t believe that.

Something else that came up as a debate within myself is whether its better to be the kind of person who lives and breathes for another person or to be the kind of person who can bounce back from anything because all they really need is themselves to be happy.

I finished reading The Notebook recently and it made me tear up everytime there was mention of this man devoting his life to this other person who wasn’t always there anymore. Just for the possibility that she’ll come back to him, even if only briefly. I’m sure everyone wants that: to be the person that someone devotes their life to making someone else happy. I think most people want to be that kind of person because its romantic… but its self-destructive at the same time.

When you live and breath for someone else’s happiness, your happiness and well-being tends to get neglected for if some reason or another the person that you choose doesn’t choose you – you’re done for. But let’s take the other extreme, and think about being the kind of person who can bounce back from rejection and continue life as if it was just as grand as the day before. Sure, you experience less heartache but when think back on your relationships will you really have the kind of memories that make you tear up a little bit remembering the elation you felt during your happiest times?

I know its possible to be both, because I like to believe that it is how I am. I tend to love whole-heartedly and allow my heart to get shattered into a million pieces. So far I have had no regrets in who I’ve loved2 and I have no intention of holding back anytime soon.

What do you think: Is it better to love whole-heartedly and risk having your heart broken in a million pieces OR is it better to hold back so you can continue living your life if the relationship were to end?

Footnotes:
  1. I know you’re surprised, but trust me on this one[]
  2. only regrets about who’s hearts I’ve broken[]

responses to “Everything breaks” 8

  1. I think that is oversimplifying love girl. Every relationship is different. Everyone is different. Oh, and I agree with Leah and Trench.
    .-= Ayprel´s last blog ..Spirituality =-.

  2. In my opinion, no one person should ever have to pose this question. Love. Wholeheartedly, madly, deeply, with every inch of your body.

    Love and pain are natural and important emotions.
    .-= Leah´s last blog ..Pretty in Pink =-.

  3. Love is a beautiful thing.. Personally I give it everything I have.. If it doesn’t work out then I just move forward. Holding yourself back however from LOVING SOMEONE is probably the worst thing to do. Even through all the heartbreaks in past relationships, I’d never change a thing. It made me the person I am today…
    .-= trench´s last blog ..Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (Theaters) =-.

  4. I’ve been single most of my life. When I was married and dating I have always been my own person and that is how I have been able to keep standing when other people leave. But, I don’t think we should live as if we are alone on the planet. I do think it is lovely to find someone to be in love with, to make them a part of your life and be happy that way. There is a balance though. You can’t become dependent on someone else without losing some of yourself, your independence and whatever it is that makes you, you. In a relationship you need to bring something of yourself into it. If you give up too much of that the relationship becomes one way, one person can’t hold up a relationship by themselves. For one thing, there is no point. You may as well just be alone. Good luck to your friend. It’s not easy losing someone. It takes time to find your feet underneath you again. Being optimistic is great, but be realistic too.

  5. I can’t say that I’ve ever had my heart broken – though I know that I’ve broken hearts and, like you, harbour regrets about that. I think I’ve always held back a part of my heart. I think I still do hold back, even after marriage. I am still changing and growing in so many ways that I am having a hard time dealing with some of these changes in my own mind.

    I want to say that I’ve found someone who needs my whole heart more than I need it myself, but that would contradict my previous paragraph. However, I don’t know how else to put it. I need him, he needs me. We make up for each other’s shortcomings, somehow.

  6. I am not so sure that the two, whole hearted love vs continuing to live your life, have to be mutually exclusive. IMHO, if you are not giving someone your all, then it isn’t really love in the first place, but perhaps strong affection. This doesn’t mean it will be easy or painless, but love seldom is.

    Like you, I tend to be rather optimistic about these things, not necessarily because everything happens for a reason, but because I think you have to look at the good times you have had and revel in them…
    .-= Tiger´s last blog ..Understanding Hyperglycemia, Hypoglycemia, and Ketoacidosis =-.

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