As I was catching up on some blogs, something that Rachel said a little while ago really made me realise just how early on I1 should have realised that it wasn’t going to work or that things were starting to fail. Scheduling a weekly skype night seems to make so much sense right now. How did either of us expect that our love would really survive the long distance for such a long time without making each other an actual priority? Simply ‘knowing’ that the other was a priority without really making the effort to do something as simple as scheduling a night to talk and catch up, is just asking for trouble.
Not that it was the single cause but it certainly would have been a good starting point. After that, maybe facing the fear of pissing each other off and fighting would have been another good step. Though that’s a difficult one; we started off fighting. I thought he hated me because his friends hated me. And then there were trust issues… so we started by fighting and it was understandable that neither of us wanted to fight over the long distance.
I know this could be an unhealthy exercise… looking back on why it fell apart2 and what could have saved it. But I think it’s a necessary exercise, so long as I put it away after this. And if I’m being honest? I don’t remember why I insisted so much that we were meant to be together other than I just ‘knew’. Yes, he made me laugh. But for the most part… me made me feel like shit about myself. He judged me because his friends judged me. Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t out right abuse me 24/7. He was very sweet to me3. And our interests did align, because I forced it to do so. It wasn’t until I moved to Dublin that he really turned around and started treating me the way I knew he could have treated me all along. I was in heaven.
I was devastated when I had to move back to Toronto, but I was optimistic because of how great everything was going. But even 9 months of a perfect relationship doesn’t just heal the past4. And the rest is history really. At least for now.