I’m an asshole

I amaze myself at how selfish I can be sometimes. I get so wrapped up in my own little world that I can’t see things from *his* point of view. And to top it all off I get mad at him for whatever it is that I seem to think he’s done wrong. I’m beginning to realize that maybe the reason we had so many problems early on in our relationship wasn’t all his fault. I never thought it was all his fault, but I did put a large chunk of the blame on his shoulders even if I never told him that I felt that way.

This relationship has got to be one of the most emotionally complicated I’ve ever been in but I really think it’s worth every second. And finally, I’m beginning to really think that he thinks so too. But for some reason I keep screwing it up. I keep thinking up reasons why it’s not going to work out. Whereas when we were apart and not together, I had all the faith in the world that he felt the same way about me as I did about him – even if he specifically told me otherwise.

Have I been so screwed up thinking that I don’t deserve to be happy in a relationship that I’m actually sobotaging my own happiness?