I’m not who you think I am

I don’t know where people get this notion that I’m a leader capable of doing great things for any company that I will go and work for. I’m no great leader. I’m a follower. I have no ambition, only what love drives me to do. Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme but I still don’t think I’m as great as everyone seems to believe I am. I need constant approval and reassurance and it’s why my relationships always fail. I never realized it until now, now that my school life is ending and my ‘career’ life is supposedly beginning, but the insecurities that get heightened when I’m in ‘love’ *do* exist in my everday life, I guess I just never let it get the better of me before. Don’t ask me what’s changed and how I’m letting it get the better of me now because I haven’t the faintest idea. But I’m getting really tired of crying.

This post makes no sense. I’m going to bed.

*April, you’re the best… I love your advice, I just hope I can endure as it’s getting harder and harder everyday. Thank you too for the tip on relaxing too, it did help a bit!*

responses to “I’m not who you think I am” 3

  1. Thanks you guys… *sigh* I’m just being a big baby… most of the day I’m really okay with the pain of missing him… but when I get home, all I can think about is how I’d rather be sitting and talking to him than staring at this damn computer screen, y’know? lol not that I don’t treasure the therapy that is my journal…

  2. Love is a delicate thing. It can make you feel so good, and so so bad. My relationship with melissa is the strongest its ever been, but I remember the hurt I felt the first time a girl whom I thought I really loved left me after two good years together. I’d do the most outragous things just to make her happy and keep me.

    Sidenote: STAY IN SCHOOL! I was so excited to get into the work force and now I’d do anything to be able to go to school full time instead of have a career. If only they would pay me to be a student!

  3. Your post makes perfect sense to me, but alas, I’ll be working as a clinical social worker in due time, and so, my job, and what I love to do both personally and professionally (in the future mind you), is to be able to understand . . . to relate.

    Here’s why I think your post makes perfect sense: 1) for starters, what you are experiencing, in my honest opinion, is a breakthrough in your life; a huge emotional and mental transition, this is no small feat. 2) What you post on your blog, it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make sense to others, because all that matters, is that in the real world, outside of the online world, you are who you are and want to be — that’s all that matters 3) If love leads you to what you do, then what greater purpose is there?

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