Is it the beginning, or the end?

I don’t remember it all that clearly, and there could be a number of explanations for this1 but that is neither here nor there. I remember meeting him for the first time and thinking how cute he was. I had just begun to make friends at my new High School2 and things were going well. He was a good friend of Kevin’s3. Kevin was an old friend from Dubai who had moved here before my family so I trusted him.

We hit it off and were in love before I could even say ‘Jump’. He would spend long bus and subway trips just to come downtown to be with me. We would fight quite a lot, but I always thought it was because we were both so passionate. Eventually, I took his virginity and, if it was possible, we fell even deeper in love. The school year was coming to an end and I was feeling like a change4. When I was younger, the easiest thing to change was my hair… so without warning, I chopped it all off. A few days later, after yet another heated argument over the phone he broke up with me. Saying that he couldn’t take fighting with me anymore. I knew he was lying, but I also knew it was useless to fight it.

I was devastated. School was out and I had no one to turn to. At least I didn’t think I had anyone to turn to. In retrospect, if I had only called someone… anyone of my friends from school to hang out I’m sure they would have. I remember calling one of his friends who had become my friend through our relationship crying sometimes. Shane3 was a really sweet guy and probably just couldn’t say no to me whenever I called but I’m sure the last thing he wanted was to listen to his friend’s ex crying over the phone. I soon got tired of bothering Shane and must have decided to turn my attention elsewhere.

Or I may have already been dabbling in online journaling when we were together. This is actually the part that I don’t remember that clearly. It’s as if I’ve always been doing this, but we all know that I couldn’t have been. That summer, I also found out about a chat room on mIRC called #4165 where all ‘the cool kids’ hung out. I started going and mainly lurked for the first little while. Slowly, as people started recognising my handle and that I had been coming in every day some of the other regulars started chatting with me, “A/S/L?” Oh god – the horror!

Regardless of the perils6 of mIRC, I was able to meet people who were also interested in web design and online journaling7. Their interest in it all fed my interest and so began my obsession with airing out my dirty laundry for all to see. Of course, I have a lot more readers now than I ever did back then and I tend to censor8 my writing because of it, but I don’t think I would have traded the experience for anything else in the world.

This story was brought to you in celebration of my 500th post in this life of fragileheart’s journal9.

How did you start blogging? Are you glad you did?

Footnotes:
  1. repression or ‘things’ I’ve done since that have altered my memory.. hehe[]
  2. Oakwood C.I. for those who remember from my 100 things[]
  3. name has been changed to protect the innocent[][]
  4. I’m sure we all get that sometimes[]
  5. the area code for Toronto[]
  6. or lameness[]
  7. I’m calling it this because in 1997, it wasn’t called ‘Blogging’ yet[]
  8. and actually edit[]
  9. I’m sure the number is actually higher if I could all the archives that are offline[]

responses to “Is it the beginning, or the end?” 11

  1. I was just curious and started looking through my “Reggy” folder… It will be 10 years next month since I first started reading your words. When you leave a name off I usually have an idea who it might be. I don’t know how usual it is to stay in cyber orbits as long as I have in yours but I’m glad I have. I watched you grow up and move from adolescence into womanhood. I’ve read your dreams, and watched you maneuver through so many trouble waters, and always marveled when you swam each distance. I’ve watched you fall and pick yourself up. I’ve come to cherish you Reggy because of who you are. It wasn’t easy becoming you – but who you grew into is one hell of a lady. I don’t give many testimonials but I will always stand at the ready to say quite simply – she a lady… one great lady .-)

    Greggys latest..A sea of faces…

  2. @Dianne Scott: lol I don’t know how people manage to run several blogs. I can barely keep up with mine – often forgetting whether I’ve replied to comments! Glad to hear you saw the light of day though 😉 and don’t worry about the typos… we’re only human!

    @Ken: LOL Only you. It did feel a bit awkward writing it that way but I didn’t know how else to put it! And thanks for the congrats! 500 posts doesn’t seem like a lot but I’m not counting the ones in the archive on my hard drive!

    @Erica: I totally believe you *are* ahead of your time. And I’m loving that you were into mIRC too. It means we were destined to meet at one point in our lives. Yay!

    @Laura: I think learning HTML is what I miss the most from those days. I too used to have a site hosted on Geocities (I actually mention it in my ‘Author’ apge). I wish you had kept the old posts too – I would love to read them!

    @Penny: Writing about someone we fancy seems to be the easiest thing when we’re unsure of what to write about. I wonder why that is. hehe. Thanks for the congrats. And that Ken… he really is something isn’t he? hehe

    @Ayprel: I’m so sorry for freaking you out. I didn’t completely think my title through! lol I remember it too and its funny how your writing changes when you have more people reading it. I do hope I’ve still stayed true to myself though… what do you think? And thanks so much for still being here!!

    @beeker: Wow I’m glad you started Beeker’s Words but I wish you hadn’t gone through all that! Thanks for the congrats!

  3. I met my husband because of irc. I started blogging in college. I started my current site out of boredom while recovering from surgery and a broken foot. Congrats on 500!

  4. Girl, you started to freak me out a little. I thought, “OMG, are they going to break up?” I have read your blog for several years. Ha, remember when it was only me, Trench, and like a person or two would comment on your blog? Seriously though… good entry! It scared me at first, but now I understand why you blog a little more.

    Ayprels latest..Sixteen

  5. Congratulations on 500 posts! Very impressive. You have been at it for so long! I used to go online and do the old ‘asl’ and started an online journal where I wrote about the boys I fancied but I deleted it after about a week hehe. So glad I finally found blogging tho!
    PS. Ken’s comment made me laugh

    Pennys latest..February Photos Part V

  6. Congratulations on 500.

    I remember IRC and “asl?” Ick! I got into a bit of coding with IRC and met a ton of other women and a few men I actually did like. But that was a really long time ago, more than ten years.

    I started a blog before it was called a weblog. I just loved the freewriting and creativity I saw in the few that were around. Most people putting up a site were using Geocities and such, making webpages. That was better I think. Made them learn some HTML at least.

    I deleted my first blog a long time ago. It got me through life, marriage, immigration and the divorce. When I moved again I lost the ISP I was hosting it with. I wish I had kept the posts now. But, they are very much gone.

  7. Yay 500 posts!
    I was into mIRC too…the similarities continue. This didn’t start me into blogging though.
    I was about 15 or 16 when I filled out an application to write for a teen website called “Getting Real” – true to form I wrote about my family and sisters. They hired me for the princely sum of $1 per year – sent a contract to my house and everything. They also sent me some stickers and various swag. I wrote about music – I remember one piece in particular that I wrote about portable music players – this was before the iPod (I think). I was ahead of my time 😉

    Ericas latest..To Kentucky and Back (2)

  8. Great 500th post: how you started blogging, loving & becoming fragileheart all in one. I started blogging initally to have deflect stress by having a moan about & making light of a stressful legal battle with a psycho builder. It’s twitter thopugh that has revived my interest in blogging,& I hope now to dewvelop it a lot more.

  9. Congrats on 500 posts. A valuable archive, make sure it’s well protected.

    Taking the guy’s virginity sounds a little, I dunno, like a big game hunter – it’s a cool expression – it evokes an image of the guy’s head mounted over the fireplace and a cool 50 year old Reggie leaning against the wall, swilling a Brandy saying, “Yes, I took that back in ’97. 🙂

    Ken Armstrongs latest..Stumbling Upon Ghosts

  10. You can tell… how many typos can one person make in one comment??? LOL!

    Diane Scotts latest..ALS Gene Mutation Discovery

  11. Starting blogging actually as an experiment (after being lazy for years). When at it in a very logical fashion, and now I have so much fun (running several blogs at a time), that I spent entirely too much time at the computer LOL! Actually saw the light of day over the weekend… gasp!

    Diane Scotts latest..Which Businesses Faring Well Even In The Recession

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