Keeping hope

The above is a cute movie I found when I went on flickr and searched for the tag “Hope”.

I am almost 30 years old and I never thought I was one of those people who let the numbers of their age affect their outlook on life but I suppose that’s one of the last1 naive sort of things that you think when you simply haven’t realised any better yet.

Some people who may be reading this and know exactly what I’m talking about will nod in understanding and some who haven’t experienced this2 will be confused and for that I apologise because I’m not going to elaborate on this right now.

What I want to talk about is dating; more specifically: sex and dating. Why is it SO difficult for us to be honest about what we want? Why is it so difficult for us to be more open-minded when we finally hear the truth from someone?

My heart hurts right now because some very dear friends of mine have gotten hurt recently; regardless of whether the hurter3 intended to be dismissive of the hurtee’s4 feelings or not – a sudden change that causes the hurt doesn’t make the hurting any easier to deal with.

Almost two months ago, I decided that I was done with the lifestyle that I had been keeping: casual, distant and unattached5; I decided I wanted to try being in a serious relationship again. I guess in a way, I decided that enough time had passed since I broke someone’s heart and that my heart had been tricked by someone else. I thought I was ready.

Naturally my focus shifted to other things a little more: exercise, eating right, work, my passions, friends, family… and I haven’t really been dating. And the recent news of my friends getting hurt has made me realise just how much I have been hoping6 that this date that I have tonight is somehow going to be the one I’ve been waiting for.

What a dork. That certainly snapped me out of that! However, it also got me thinking about my past relationships and the hurt I’ve experienced in the past. I wondered why it is that I’ve been able to keep hope in love. I don’t have an answer yet. But I did want to ask everyone out there…

Do you still believe in love?

  1. perhaps?[]
  2. regardless of what age you may be[]
  3. let’s pretend that’s a real word[]
  4. again with the pretending[]
  5. yet somehow never really alone[]
  6. despite convincing myself that I wasn’t hoping[]

responses to “Keeping hope” 6

  1. I made a conscious decision to put myself in situations where I get hurt.

    In a few, neutral, casual dates (read: no hopping in the sack!) you should be able to discern the intentions of other party. If their intentions do not match your desires/expectations then politely walk away. You will not change them, ever.

    I am extremely clear about what I’m looking for when dating (for the first time in my life – I’m almost 30 too), and move on if a dude can’t reciprocate, and it’s worked out amazingly.

    Best of luck, babe.

  2. I stumbled on your blog and I’m glad I did. I like your honest writing style. I absolutely believe in loveā€”but for others; not myself. I unfortunately gave up on love a couple years ago, and haven’t looked back. I know this is sad, perhaps pathetic, but the pain of being in love, then getting your heart crushed was more than I could handle. I know now that I ACTUALLY SET IT UP SO SHE WOULD BREAK MY HEART, but it’s irrelevant because I simply can’t stop myself from making mistakes in the context of an intimate, loving relationship. So I’m done. I know this isn’t hopeful, but it’s my truth based on my experience. Thanks again for letting me be part of this post.

  3. Yes. Love’s too big to be destroyed by ten thousand thousand heartbreaks. Sometimes it’s difficult to see, but it never goes away. I think love is the only thing more certain in life than death. It connects us all.

    I always get my hopes up. I always get hurt more than necessary. But in love and life, I prefer to go big….

    Good luck!

  4. Re your question.
    I do but sometimes I think it’s easier to not believe in it. It feels easier because if you don’t believe in it you think that you are less likely to put yourself in a position where you’ll be hurt again.

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