My Lolo1 is in town. He arrived on Thursday and I’m a bit of an emotional mess. It’s different having your Mum’s Dad in your life… and for the most part, For the most part, I’ve been avoiding contact with him. He’s from such a different generation and I can’t even begin to imagine what he thinks of me and how I live my life. He constantly teases me and I just laugh it off but its all I can do to cry and tell him I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment.
This is new to me because I’ve never been the type to care about what someone thinks of me… I tend to apologise for making them feel uncomfortable but I never apologise for living my life the way I want to live it. And for one reason or another, he is different. I’ve only ever been exposed to him during limited time periods… a vacation that lasted two weeks… to a maximum of one month… and there have been always been other family members around to take the focus off me.
You see my Mum is the oldest of 7 children; I was the first grandchild, and the only grand-daughter on my Mum’s side of the family2 and that is why they named me what they named me3. And I always get this feeling from my Lolo that he expects me to do great things… and while I’ve been brought up with the belief that everything I do is great4 I still feel like I’m running out of time.
In the very first entry on this version of this blog, you’ll read about my Lola5… and how I lost her way too soon. My Lolo is pretty strong… but he’s definitely a weaker version than what I remember from my childhood. If there’s anyone who I want to make proud of what I’ve accomplished in my life, it would be him. Despite never really knowing him as well as I know my parents… I want to make him so proud of me that he will finally understand that even though I haven’t led my life the way my Mum led hers it doesn’t make me any less amazing than she is.
I’m sure growing up without him in my life plays a huge part in all this, but I’m curious… how do you feel about your Grandparents?