My Lolo
My Lolo1 is in town. He arrived on Thursday and I’m a bit of an emotional mess. It’s different having your Mum’s Dad in your life… and for the most part, For the most part, I’ve been avoiding contact with him. He’s from such a different generation and I can’t even begin to imagine what he thinks of me and how I live my life. He constantly teases me and I just laugh it off but its all I can do to cry and tell him I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment.
This is new to me because I’ve never been the type to care about what someone thinks of me… I tend to apologise for making them feel uncomfortable but I never apologise for living my life the way I want to live it. And for one reason or another, he is different. I’ve only ever been exposed to him during limited time periods… a vacation that lasted two weeks… to a maximum of one month… and there have been always been other family members around to take the focus off me.
You see my Mum is the oldest of 7 children; I was the first grandchild, and the only grand-daughter on my Mum’s side of the family2 and that is why they named me what they named me3. And I always get this feeling from my Lolo that he expects me to do great things… and while I’ve been brought up with the belief that everything I do is great4 I still feel like I’m running out of time.
In the very first entry on this version of this blog, you’ll read about my Lola5… and how I lost her way too soon. My Lolo is pretty strong… but he’s definitely a weaker version than what I remember from my childhood. If there’s anyone who I want to make proud of what I’ve accomplished in my life, it would be him. Despite never really knowing him as well as I know my parents… I want to make him so proud of me that he will finally understand that even though I haven’t led my life the way my Mum led hers it doesn’t make me any less amazing than she is.
I’m sure growing up without him in my life plays a huge part in all this, but I’m curious… how do you feel about your Grandparents?
August 17th, 2009 at 08:15
@Cromely: LOL That’d be a really weird nickname. Hope it was at least entertaining for you
@Miss Tique: You’ve probably got a point; my Mum says that he only nags at me all the time because he actually is proud of me and loves me so much but it’s the only way he knows how to show it. I guess she would know best!
@Shop girl: I’m sorry you’ve lost your Grandfather. My Grandad is the only Grandparent I’ve really gotten a chance to know so I really don’t like imagining losing him
@Ken: What a lovely memory; I wish I could remember things I might have done with my Grandmother… she was a lovely, lovely lady.
@trench: It happens; it becomes easy to take them for granted unless they’re actually they are super close to your parents. Sounds like your Grandfather and my grandfather have quite a lot in common in that respect (the way he treated their wives)!
@Penny: hehe ok just glad to hear you’re ok. Hope you get back into it soon (but no pressure of course!)
@Ayprel: {{hugs}}
August 13th, 2009 at 23:21
My grandparents are dead. I miss them so!
August 13th, 2009 at 08:25
There is nothing exciting going on – for some reason I’ve just found I’ve got too much to keep up with. I miss everyone too! So that’s why I had to come and comment. Need to get back in the swing of things again.
.-= Penny´s last blog ..Blur =-.
August 13th, 2009 at 05:10
My Grandfather was a mean old man who used to work 12 hours a day in the ranch then come home, get drunk, and bully my poor grandmother around. However, after my grandmother passed, I saw a different side of my grandfather. All he talked about was NANA and it was quite a experience the last few years of his life.
I miss both my grandparents dearly. I think I took both of them for granted.
.-= trench´s last blog ..GI Joe : The Rise of Cobra (Theaters) =-.
August 13th, 2009 at 04:45
My maternal grandparents were also my godparents and, although, they are both long-gone, I remember the times I had with them very vividly indeed.
Granny used to take me to the pictures on Saturday afternoons. We saw Butch and Sundance when it first came out.
.-= ken armstrong´s last blog ..Charity Shop Stalwarts =-.
August 12th, 2009 at 19:01
I felt this way about my maternal grandfather… only we were very close. If there was ever anybody I wanted to succeed for, it was him. I was his little girl, and it hurt like hell when he died.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you haven’t accomplished enough with your life–if you’re happy with where you are, then run with it! Your Lolo will understand.
.-= Shop Girl*´s last blog ..PEBUAC* (I am smrt.) =-.
August 12th, 2009 at 12:59
I don’t know one grandpa and am not very close to the other. Not an interesting story here.
But I do think that all grandparents are proud of their grandsons, either they admit it or not. In the end, we’re their legacy .
.-= Miss Tique´s last blog ..New Lingerie Collections =-.
August 12th, 2009 at 11:01
Glad I stopped to read the footnotes. At first glance (and before I finished Coffee 1) I assumed “Lolo” was a pet name for the BF.
[goes back to the coffee]
.-= Cromely´s last blog ..Hospitality for the night =-.
August 11th, 2009 at 22:23
@Penny: So nice to see you!! I’ve missed you. I’m sure I’ve missed something that’s going on but I hope you’re keeping well! Thanks for the encouragement… I’m still slightly in denial that I care what he thinks of me.
August 11th, 2009 at 13:46
I have an interesting relationship with my grandparents too. Partly because I never really got to know either grandfather. But I see and speak to my grandmas often enough. One of them doesn’t approve that I moved in with my bf – she is very strong Catholic. At first I was a bit upset (even though she never said it to me, it was my mum that told me) but I realised it’s just her view on life. She doesn’t think I’m ‘bad’ but she sees things differently. I guess this is partly what you mean from this post. I’m sure your lolo is still proud of you even if he doesn’t completely understand you.
.-= Penny´s last blog ..Blur =-.