Reflections of a fragile heart
I suppose its a bit ironic that I picked the name fragileheart and that it has stuck for so long, because in actuality I’m not that fragile at all. Sure, I get emotional but I’m not, and never will be, weak1. I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be. Perfect is boring. Making mistakes makes life exciting, though that doesn’t mean I make them on purpose.
I try to live my life without regrets… as soon as I realise there is something in my life that I regret, I would prefer to do something to rectify it – even if it feels like its too late. I wasn’t always this way though. I had to learn and change my attitude before I could even begin to embrace this outlook.
There are still so many things I want to work on about myself, but I feel blessed to have gotten to where I am2 at 27. I know I could have probably gotten here sooner if I wasn’t such a spoilt brat of a teen, but I don’t regret it at all. I’ve enjoyed my life thus far. I’m not rich, but I feel so lucky to have lived the life I have lived. And of course, I have my parents to thank for that.
I wouldn’t be half the person I am if it weren’t for my parents. We aren’t close in the sense that I tell my parents everything3, but we’re close in that we do a lot of things together and we enjoy each other’s company. Having been in the kind of relationship with them where I hated them and they saw me as a nuisance, I am able to appreciate what we share now.
I’m also grateful for having such a bad history with boyfriends, because if it weren’t for those relationships4 I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the amazing connection and relationship that I share with him. I also wouldn’t be able to know what it feels like when I’m on the giving end of the kind of behaviour that spells, ‘taking someone for granted’. I’m so lucky to have someone as strong5, talented, brilliant, loving and loyal man in my life… and best yet, to call him mine!
As for the things I have to work on… believe it or not, I am horrible at keeping in touch with people. I know, I know… I’m on the internet so much, how could I be bad at keeping in touch with people? Easy, they don’t blog! I’m on the internet blog surfing, for the most part, so unless you have a blog – you probably won’t hear from me. You would think that sending an email is easy enough, but apparently… it is not.
A few other things I have to work on but that I won’t get into: money management, exercising, and doing what I say I’m going to do6! I’m sure there are many more7 things, but this is all I can think of right now!
My heart may have been fragile once, but its stronger than ever now.
Thanks to everyone who gave me such warm well wishes on my birthday, you guys have no idea how positive of an impact you all make on my life and I love you all for it!
How do you grow?
Footnotes:
- I don’t like tooting my own horn but I feel that an important part of blogging for me is reflecting on myself and being honest with who I am[↩]
- even if I don’t have a ‘career’ to call my own yet[↩]
- I have a friend who tells her parents all her boy troubles, I don’t do that[↩]
- or lack thereofs[↩]
- in every sense of the word[↩]
- or just don’t say you’re going to to do something unless its already in the works[↩]
- smaller[↩]
November 13th, 2008 at 10:09
@trench: I know right? I’m much happier with the person I’ve become now. And I agree, it defintely comes with age!
@Veronica: I agree, growing is not something you can force. You just need to let time do its job. I hope you’re able to tackle everything you need to as well.
@Debbie: Thanks so much. I really means a lot to me to hear you say that. I’m glad its hard for you to imagine me as a spoiled brat because its very fresh in my mind. But I like that its fresh in my mind because it helps me know how *not* to act.
@Lyndi: hehe Perfect is boring! Even though I’m a perfectionist with everything I do – lol guess it only applies to perfect people. I’m sorry to hear that your parents and you don’t get along all the time. My parents and I still fight, I think we’re all making a conscious effort to try and keep the peace… but I know its not as easy as all that. I hope it can happen for you guys one day.
@Erica: That is a great outlook as well. I need to do a bit more of that though I find I don’t usually shy away from things that scare me. Except horror movies.
@Lisa: Awh its ok! Its the thought that counts!
@Haley: At least your friends check your blog to find out what you’re up to. Though some of them do say they do and just don’t comment. LOL I can see their point about having to check something ‘impersonal’ like a blog to catch up.
And even though we (bloggers) might not see a blog as impersonal, there are still many out there who find it hard to understand how personal it can be.
Thanks again for the birthday wishes; you *did* wish me! hehe
@Michael: Thanks, and I agree!
@B: You snuck in there while I was replying to comments. hehe Thanks
its nice to have honesty appreciated!
November 13th, 2008 at 10:02
Another great blog post. It’s refreshing to see really.
November 12th, 2008 at 21:35
You’re matured enough to reflect on your life and not take it for granted. Some people are so immature no matter how old they get.
November 12th, 2008 at 18:50
Birthday are great excuses for self reflection and goal setting.
I know exactly what you mean about keeping in touch with people. Some of my friends regularly read my blog and know what I’m up to, others get annoyed that they have to go to something as impersonal as a blog to find news.
Happy Belated Birthday. Even though I’m pretty sure I already wished you a Happy Birthday, I figure I can’t say it too many times.
haleyhughess latest..Musings on a cold and drizzly Veterans Day
November 12th, 2008 at 15:38
Aw crap, when was your birthday?! HAPPY BELATED!!
I’m trying to work on the same things… and yes, it’s so true that all those rocky relationships we go through in life only make us stronger.
Lisa365s latest..In Memory
November 12th, 2008 at 13:17
Doing things that scare me help me grow. Going out of my comfort zone and realizing that outside the zone is still comfortable is an amazing feeling.
Ericas latest..A Royal Weekend
November 12th, 2008 at 09:56
What a nice, honest article. I love the bit you mentioned near the beginning – “Perfect is boring”.
I envy you for the relationship you have with your parents. My folks and I try, but things do not always work out.
That man in your life also sounds interesting. I hope he knows how lucky he is.
Lyndis latest..Blog Review: http://www.Rarst.net
November 12th, 2008 at 09:33
It is hard to imagine you as a spoiled brat. Part of life is the teen age separation of identity from our parents. You are an amazing young woman today.
Debbie Lanes latest..Veterans Day
November 12th, 2008 at 07:37
The past few years have been a real eye opener for me. I really learned what I was made of, and the things in life that are still left in store for me.
I’ve been doing alot of growing this year, and Still have lots of stuff that I want to tackle, just got to wait for the right time.
I don’t think growing is something that you can do, I think it’s just something that happens naturally as we learn to make better choices for ourselves.
Veronicas latest..WOOT!
November 12th, 2008 at 04:14
You have certainly come a long way from when we first met on the web way way back where I can’t even remember.
I’m glad things are turning around for you. It all comes with AGE!
trenchs latest..Mongol (DVD)