I’m restless these days, and in so many ways. I keep wanting to just pack everything and leave tomorrow. I take forever to fall asleep at night and can’t get up in the mornings. I keep trying to think of things to do that don’t cost a lot of money to pass the time so that I don’t end up driving myself insane.
And the latest event that occurred at work has left me feeling even more restless at work. Oh right, I haven’t told you guys about it yet. Well, there’s no easier way to say it other than, I missed a shift. My second missed shift. But it’s not as easy as I just didn’t feel like going. I’m not available to work on Sundays. I haven’t been since the winter semester of my last year of school started in January. It is now July. That’s 7 months of not being available to work on Sundays. And granted the first time it happened wasn’t anyone else’s fault but mine.
The first time it happened was on Father’s Day and it happened because I forgot about the special rules that apply on ‘busy’ days like Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Valentines Day, Christmas Eve, etc. This rule says that regardless of your availability, you may or may not get scheduled to work. So I forgot to book it off or even check whether or not I was working. That weekend was the weekend of my celebratory BBQ’s for my graduation. We had one on Saturday for my friends and co-workers, and one on Sunday for family friends. I was still working at the out door restaurant at the time, and was available for Sundays there and I remembered to book it off. But at the indoor restaurant I didn’t even look at Sunday to double check that I wasn’t working, so I ended up not showing up for the shift.
The second time it happened was just a normal Sunday, and it happened because I assumed I would not work a Sunday again. Anyway… it’s all been dealt with now. At least with the people who matter, but then there are those who I can see are judging me as if it was something I intended to do on purpose. Like they are perfect, and mistakes aren’t allowed. And I don’t mean co-workers, no they’ve all been really forgiving about it all. I’m talking about Managers. Those who are meant to be our leaders, who set an example for us all to follow. And what pisses me off the most is that they’re older than me and I know better. It’s making me want to leave… making me long for the day I leave even more than I was before. I’m trying hard not to hate the place because hate is just so tiring, but if this attitude towards me keeps up I might not be able to fight it.
There is always the idea that it might be my own guilt, and I’m blowing things out of proportion… but I’m sure it’s there to a certain extent. I guess it’s just another lesson life has decided to throw my way and I’m going to have to fight my way through it. Lucky for me, I’ve been through something just as taxing… and with my new found patience, I’m confident I can do it. I just have to keep reminding my self of this… every 5 minutes or so.