So You Didn’t Get Kissed at Midnight

Will I ever love again? It’s a question that has been on my mind for a while now. It’s the question that led me to go on my mancation1.

The honest answer right now is: I simply don’t know.

I find myself avoiding thinking about things that have happened2. It’s unlike me. The moniker fragileheart wasn’t coined because I wanted people to walk on eggshells with me. It’s supposed to remind me that I wear my heart on my sleeve and that I like to feel things because it makes me feel alive. Finding myself running away from memories that make me smile is a little unnerving.

I don’t think I know how to be in a relationship. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a real relationship that I don’t know that I’ll ever manage to maintain one again. My last real, meaningful, mutually respectful relationship ended in 2004. Everything else after that I consider a mess. Yes, even my relationship with the Irish boy3.

Then again, I’ve gotten better at maintaining deeper and more meaningful friendships and I think that every good relationship is built on a solid foundation of friendship so maybe there’s hope for me yet.

Oh whatever. Maybe you4 were right; what was it that you said, sir? Something along the lines of, “You’d make a great mistress [but not a wife]”. And yes, I still think about it to this day.

Sometimes, you just need to blog things out loud.

Footnotes:
  1. vacation from men, and more importantly – meaningless sex[]
  2. like NYE[]
  3. that was probably the biggest mess[]
  4. I do not even know if you read my blog[]

responses to “So You Didn’t Get Kissed at Midnight” 2

  1. I don’t blame you for wanting to take a mancation but to be quite honest, it’s not always the right thing to do. Think about it this way: Maybe you’ve have a string of bad boyfriends, but is there a common factor that links them all? Why have they all been duds?

    On your date(s) with them, what have they been saying, have they given you their full attention, did they look you in the eye?

    The point is it’s the caliber of men that may be the issue and perhaps it’s best to take a vacation from THOSE men while still seeking a better match. I think you need someone who is a little more old fashioned, a little more feeling and emotional, but strong at the same time.

    A gentleman – pardon me for sounding like a broken record. Yes they are harder to find, but there are a few out there. I’ve met them. However if you go in jaded at men in general it will continue to be difficult to find the right guy, even if he’s staring you right in the face.

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