fragileheart's journal

Jackie and I were partners in crime at Victoria Park Secondary School way back when… when I look back on my favourite vacations she is always there. I have two: One when I went to visit her in LA and when I went to visit her in Holbox, Mexico. Jackie, you are my soul mate and I wouldn’t have it any other way (except maybe I wish we could be physically closer to each other for a larger chunk of each year but one day… right?)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE!

Albert and I got tattoos together in 2005 and we haven’t looked back. I wasn’t sure whether you wanted to be displayed in public so I picked a photo that hid most of yer face But know that I am not ashamed to call you my friend because you’re one of the best friends I could have ever asked for. I’m happy you and Barb are in my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR!

It has been a journey to say the least. The last few months have been a wonderful whirlwind of ups, downs and important lessons and realizations. I think the one lesson that I didn’t expect to learn after all this is that despite being able to adapt to my surroundings extremely well -how much my bearings are affected if I don’t have a proper place to sleep.

For the last three months I have been sleeping on my Ikea love-seat because I couldn’t sleep on my bed¹ until three nights ago. Depending on what way you look at it, you could say it cost me a lot but I don’t think placing blame on circumstance does me any good so it just is what it was: a learning experience. Heck, it didn’t kill me right?

30 years. As of some time in the late evening on November 7th, the cells and whatever spirit that make up this girl right here would have been alive for 30 years. I’ll admit there is a part of me that feels like a bit of a disappointment but then there’s another part of me that knows that my life is only just beginning so long as I allow myself the chance at said beginning.

Live each day as if it were your last. Someone great said that to me recently as we were walking the 6.5kms to my new home² at 4am. By the way, don’t let the knowledge of this act taint your image of bohunkCA; he was the perfect jerk as always – and yes ladies, he was totally topless the whole way there

I want to make an art out of living life, where I find joy in every little moment of every day – regardless of what is going on at the time. Growing up, I had never really paid much attention to the things that really made my heart soar. I knew the obvious things like music³, food, love, and sex… all those self-indulgent sort of things. But now I’m paying more attention to how happy it makes me to be around people like my family and closest friends⁴.

I know I have lot of work to do up ahead of me but I do think I am up to the task. It feels strange to say that I have never really felt this ready before but I guess I’m just done being afraid. I’m still in the process of getting my life back but I have no doubt that whatever is coming next is going to be amazing. It’s been amazing even when it should have been horrible so how could it not?!

I want to know though: did you love or hate turning 30?

Footnotes:

1. I really don’t want to say it, don’t make me say it: I had bed bugs[↩]
2. it was so old school I couldn’t resist but agree to walk home with him[↩]
3. specifically singing[↩]
4. the ones who have stuck by me no matter what fucked up shit I’ve done – you know who you are[↩]

There are very few people that I’ve encountered in this world who I feel I can say just about anything to and I know they won’t take offence. There are even fewer people who can say anything to me and I won’t get offended. I’m glad to have found someone who I feel fits both of these categories¹.

She’s a strong person; ambitious, determined, talented, passionate, charming and so beautiful². I try my best to understand people I care about; I try to understand everything about them so that I can make sure we never get into a life changing fight but its always been easy to understand Haza and I think it’s because we’re alike in so many ways… at least in the way we think, and the way we carry ourselves around other people.

Its the little things, like realising that we’re blocking the walkway when the group of people we are standing with apparently don’t notice. I’m sure I could give more examples, but that’s really for us to share – besides I’m sure you get the picture. In case you failed to notice³, it’s her birthday today and I hope I haven’t disappointed her with this dedication. She’s the kind of person who so deserves everything she wants in life, even if it seems it doesn’t always happen right when we want it right Haza?

Happy Birthday Haza. I hope you have a fantastic day and I hope to be around to celebrate many, many more with you.

Footnotes:

1. or so I hope, with the latter one… Haza?[↩]
2. in every sense of the word[↩]
3. guess what song that line is from? ;P[↩]

I know you’d probably rather not think about today, but its your special day and even though its in the middle of the week I hope you have a great day. I also hope¹ that you and hubby take the day off and celebrate. Because as Abraham Lincoln said,

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

Happy Birthday old friend²

Footnotes:

1. even though I know you won’t[↩]
2. pun intended!! hehehe[↩]

As I grow older and we,
Slowly become friends,
I realise what defines me,
As a girl, as a woman,
can be traced back to you.

Your warmth and care,
Your goofy jokes,
Your energy,
Your mind,
Always make me smile.

Its a treasure to know you,
More so to love you,
Even still to be loved by you,
I hope you always know,
My brother and I,
                         will always need you.

Happy Birthday Mummy.