fragileheart's journal

Jackie and I were partners in crime at Victoria Park Secondary School way back when… when I look back on my favourite vacations she is always there. I have two: One when I went to visit her in LA and when I went to visit her in Holbox, Mexico. Jackie, you are my soul mate and I wouldn’t have it any other way (except maybe I wish we could be physically closer to each other for a larger chunk of each year but one day… right?)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE!

Albert and I got tattoos together in 2005 and we haven’t looked back. I wasn’t sure whether you wanted to be displayed in public so I picked a photo that hid most of yer face But know that I am not ashamed to call you my friend because you’re one of the best friends I could have ever asked for. I’m happy you and Barb are in my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR!

It has been a journey to say the least. The last few months have been a wonderful whirlwind of ups, downs and important lessons and realizations. I think the one lesson that I didn’t expect to learn after all this is that despite being able to adapt to my surroundings extremely well -how much my bearings are affected if I don’t have a proper place to sleep.

For the last three months I have been sleeping on my Ikea love-seat because I couldn’t sleep on my bed¹ until three nights ago. Depending on what way you look at it, you could say it cost me a lot but I don’t think placing blame on circumstance does me any good so it just is what it was: a learning experience. Heck, it didn’t kill me right?

30 years. As of some time in the late evening on November 7th, the cells and whatever spirit that make up this girl right here would have been alive for 30 years. I’ll admit there is a part of me that feels like a bit of a disappointment but then there’s another part of me that knows that my life is only just beginning so long as I allow myself the chance at said beginning.

Live each day as if it were your last. Someone great said that to me recently as we were walking the 6.5kms to my new home² at 4am. By the way, don’t let the knowledge of this act taint your image of bohunkCA; he was the perfect jerk as always – and yes ladies, he was totally topless the whole way there

I want to make an art out of living life, where I find joy in every little moment of every day – regardless of what is going on at the time. Growing up, I had never really paid much attention to the things that really made my heart soar. I knew the obvious things like music³, food, love, and sex… all those self-indulgent sort of things. But now I’m paying more attention to how happy it makes me to be around people like my family and closest friends⁴.

I know I have lot of work to do up ahead of me but I do think I am up to the task. It feels strange to say that I have never really felt this ready before but I guess I’m just done being afraid. I’m still in the process of getting my life back but I have no doubt that whatever is coming next is going to be amazing. It’s been amazing even when it should have been horrible so how could it not?!

I want to know though: did you love or hate turning 30?

Footnotes:

1. I really don’t want to say it, don’t make me say it: I had bed bugs[↩]
2. it was so old school I couldn’t resist but agree to walk home with him[↩]
3. specifically singing[↩]
4. the ones who have stuck by me no matter what fucked up shit I’ve done – you know who you are[↩]

Good ol’ Stella. I have been following along with them more closely since La Societe was on everyone’s beaks¹ last year and after they threw the super awesome, super secret Underground party in the old Bay Subway station and I thought I was completely sold.

But their latest campaign that got people talking about how their Street Teams were giving away complimentary samples of their beer just made me love them even more… add to that how amazing anyone on the Stella Street Team² and they’ve found themselves a fan for life in me.

And you know what happens when you love a brand right? They love you right back and I have some lovin’ to give right back to you, my darling readers, by way of TWO lovely Stella Artois Legere t-shirts designed by Toronto artist Dave Murray. You can see what it looks like in the pictures below… once the winner is picked, we’ll talk sizing.

Oh but that’s not all – I’ve ALSO got two pairs of passes to the Block Party on August 13th that I am sure will be super awesome³. Side note: I’m going on the assumption here that you know that #downtown won the race for hosting this block party and my id and I would like to think that I had something to do with it but my ego knows better.

TO QUALIFY we must be friends on facebook so add me up. Please include a message to tell me that you’re a reader of my blog and that you want to add me to enter the contest⁴. After you’ve done that, you’ll want to give the ol’ thumbs up to Stella Artois Legere’s Facebook page. because I will be checking and I’m sorry to say but you can’t win if you haven’t given ‘er.

After that? I’m afraid you’ll just have to watch my news feed on Facebook to see how you can actually win these things. What, and you thought this was going to be easy? Clearly you don’t know me at all⁵.

I’m going to leave you with some details about the block party:
DATE: Saturday, August 13, 2011
TIME: 8pm-midnight
LOCATION: 525 King Street West (West side of Starbucks, South side of King street)

(The party will be for 600 people, entrance is subject to capacity. Now, anyone of legal drinking age or older can RSVP to get on the guest list – all you have to do is go to Stella Artois Legere’s Facebook page. If you’ve already RSVP’d, no need to enter⁶ but feel free to anyway).

Footnotes:

1. so you know, on twitter[↩]
2. the light taste of the beer helps too[↩]
3. if I’m going to base my expectations on the secret subway party and the awesomeness of that event[↩]
4. I’d explain why but I’m sure you understand[↩]
5. I don’t blame you, I’m pretty introverted[↩]
6. or even add me to Facebook right?[↩]

Who are you? Who do think you are? Who do other people think you are? It’s all fine and dandy not to care what other people think of you but it isn’t always that easy. This is my 29th New Year’s celebration and there was no bang; no major transformation. And I like it; landmarks, milestones and special moments in life are better when they happen unexpectedly. I’m beginning to think that maybe I shouldn’t have put so much meaning into birthdays and New Years through the years – though I can’t quite pinpoint why I’m questioning something like that.

We do what’s right because we want to be good people¹. Sometimes a person does something that isn’t right but necessary. Sometimes that person does what she can to hide it. As long as you learn from your mistakes, it makes it ok. Right. Learn. What if you don’t learn? Does it automatically make you a bad person? What if you try but you just can’t seem to get it right? What if you were incapable? I know it seems hard to imagine that someone would be incapable but there are psychological barriers that can prevent someone from seeing what’s right or seeing beyond what they want.

Forcing yourself to do something even when it’s out of character isn’t easy, but if you do it enough it’ll eventually become part of who you are. So try. Keep trying and allow yourself to make mistakes. If you allowed every mistake you made define you, it’d be a pretty horrible life. My heart is heavy with these thoughts² which is why I have been silent. I imagine I will be silent for a little while longer because I am no where near done thinking. It takes 21 days to quit a habit. Just remember that.

Oh yeah. Happy New Year! May this mark the beginning of one of the best years and maybe even decade of your life.

Footnotes:

1. speaking in generalizations here[↩]
2. and so much more[↩]

Photo courtesy of Svetlana.

What does it mean to you? To me it means a time to remember all the ways you want to be a better person¹. In a way, Dec 1st² marks the beginning of a ‘New Year’. Christmas is about acceptance. Christmas is about respect. Christmas is about love and understanding. Even if you don’t feel like you’re getting a lot of any of these things. Because you should never give of anything of these things with the expectation that you will get any in return. Yes, it would be nice but if you only do something because you hope that you get it back in return then you’re doing it wrong. Do it because simply doing it makes YOU happy. And if it doesn’t? Well, shit son I haven’t a clue.

Last christmas³ was possibly one of the worst Christmasses I ever had to endure. It was a character building sort of period. And this year… I decided I would not let that happen. And the best way I know to get into the Christmas spirit is to bake. Now, it’s all well and good to bake for cookies but if I knew my motivation this year I knew I’d need a big push to get off my ass and actually bake cookies. I would have thrown a dinner party but my place is too small for that. I was going to throw a cocktail party but that’s been done. So I put a spin on it: Appetizers, Beverages and Cookies. You bring your own A & B and I’ll provide the C. And the Love will come naturally… and come it did⁴!

There was such a wonderful collection of people who attended that I can’t help but feel blessed to have such amazing people in my life. And before I leave you with the pictures, I’d just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who came out and filling my home with such love and cheer. Next time, let’s go paint-balling to balance things out ok?

Peekchures:

Photo courtesy of Dan

Photo courtesy of Lucy

Photo courtesy of Scotty

Photo courtesy of Chris

There may or may not be video evidence courtesy of Mr Sean Ward. Speaking of Mr Ward, did you know he’s putting on a great show on Monday December 20th⁵ – see the amazing flyer below for details! You can also click the flyer to go to the facebook event page!

Thanks again to the wonderful guests of #ABCme for giving me one of my favourite holiday memories to add to existing ones.

What are some of your favourite holiday memories?

Footnotes:

1. for life, not just one month[↩]
2. for me anyway[↩]
3. I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away…. this year, to save me from tears I’ll give it to someone special…[↩]
4. that’s what she said[↩]
5. *ahem* That I may or may not be performing in[↩]