Running out of steam

One of my resolutions this year was to write once a week. The end of last year wasn’t going so well, and I wanted to head into this year with the kind of fierceness that this year deserved to be faced with. I am finding myself running out of steam and I figured I might as well write about it. It isn’t that I don’t have anything to say anymore either. I have a lot to say, actually. Right now though, I feel like it doesn’t matter what I say nor do – nothing is going to change1.

Lounging on the lake at last year’s cottage trip
Photography by: Joanna Haughton

Luckily, I am going to get out of the city again this week. Someone very near, and dear to me is celebrating a birthday and we’re going to a cottage to celebrate. I’ve talked about it before, and I’ll say it again: I am so grateful that I get to go on these out-of-city trips during the week so that I don’t have to drive in a lot of traffic. I have no doubt I’ll feel right as rain when I get back, but I also have no doubt that the feeling will only last about a week or three until it all weighs be down all over again.

Work is extremely busy2. Dating in this city is disenchanting. There is always a pit in my stomach and while I manage to keep it at bay while I’m with my friends… it’s always there. All I can think about is going away but there are responsibilities – that are very important to me – keeping me here. I’m waiting on news about a volunteering opportunity that would determine if I get to leave for the winter. I don’t even have my fingers crossed for either outcome because no matter what I’d be a happy camper3.

I’m sure those who are close to me and are reading this are starting to worry about me: please don’t. I’m fine. I live a wonderfully full, and amazing life. I just really need to make a change, and I haven’t quite figured out how to make it. I have faith I’ll figure it out soon enough, or at the very least I’ll figure it out. I just need to give it that ever-so-precious commodity called, time. Something I imagine I’ll have plenty of while I’m up at the cottage.

Just breathe.

 

Footnotes:
  1. I guess that’s the problem with wanting something you just can’t have[]
  2. in the best of ways[]
  3. ish – I do actually really want to go away[]

A mini-getaway

Vicky and I got out of the city a little later than I had planned, but I made the decision not to let it bother me. As soon as we were on the road, nothing else mattered; how long the journey took1, and what we encountered along the way were all part of the vacation now. There was quite a bit of traffic heading up, but we remained in good spirits the whole way through. We hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks so had lots to catch up on.

Once we arrived we relaxed with a cocktail2 on the dock; just basking in the fresh air, the sound of the birds, their neighbour’s kids going up and down their water-slide, the warmth of the sun and the ever-so-calm water in front of us. We enjoyed a lovely dinner, then spent some quality time in front of the fire3.

The woods beside the cottage

We are women, we make fire ;)

Geese and goslings swimming along during sunset

When we got up the next morning, it was gloomy and cold; I started out by reading my book. I sketched. I listened to my new audio-book. I grilled my lunch. Her parents joined us later in the afternoon, and we started a crossword together4. Before dinner, we went for a short-hike and got back just before the rain started up again. After dinner, we played card games. They taught me bridge, I taught them how to play asshole.

Salmon cakes made by the ever-talented Victoria Murdoch

I got up fairly early the next morning in an attempt to get back into the city at a decent time5, though I didn’t get to do everything that I had wanted to do before I arrived at my parents’ house to prepare for our camping trip.

I left my cellphone on airplane mode most of the time while I was at the cottage; for a few reasons: I didn’t want to be tempted to continually check all-of-the-things, and I didn’t want our serenity to be interrupted by messages. I would check once before bed for any urgent messages, but thankfully there was no fires that needed dousing.

More wildlife sightings: Bambi!

Thus marks the end of the relaxing part of my vacation. I hope to make the next five days more grueling than the days that I go to the gym. I have some serious making up to do6! I seriously need to let off some steam.

I had some weird dreams at the cottage, and I am generally feeling all sorts of emotional numbness despite being in some very confusing situations lately. I do have a lot of things to think about, and perhaps even a very important decision to make so maybe I really just need some one-on-one time with nature.

I’ve been tempted to document my adventures on social media like everyone else does, but you know what? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

See you on the other side7.

Footnotes:
  1. it took us under 4 hours[]
  2. white wine spritzer please![]
  3. gosh i love smelling like campfire[]
  4. her Mom started it, we joined in[]
  5. I succeeded[]
  6. I haven’t been to the gym in 11 days at this point![]
  7. of this week – hehe[]

A week away from the city

For the last five years my family and I have been camping in various Ontario Parks. We’ve been to Awenda, Silent Lake, Quinte, Sibbald Point and this year we’re checking out Algonquin. I can’t speak for my family, but I look forward to it every year. We book our campsite in February just to make sure we get a good site. Our favourite park is Silent Lake, but we’ve agreed to try a different park every other year. What’s even better is that we have the luxury of checking in on a Sunday, and checking out on a Thursday so we can avoid the crowds.

I feel so blessed though because not only am I getting a chance to go camping for 5 days/4 nights, I’m also going to a friend’s cottage for a couple of nights. A cottage that is honestly just so good for my soul. I’ve been able to spend a lot of time on my balcony, and it’s bee lovely but getting out of the city is incomparable.

I have a few books that I hope to bring with me. I’ll also be bringing my notebook, and I hope to be able to get back into sketching. I really need to get working on finalizing the sketch of my second tattoo after all. Maybe I’ll finally have it this summer.

No matter what happens while I’m away from the city, I am extremely grateful for my upcoming week being able to be one with nature for almost 7 straight days.