So much to say, not enough time

A lot has happened since I celebrated my thirty-fifth birthday. I mean I’ve mostly been working; which means I haven’t had much time to sit down and do very much writing. Heck, I haven’t had much time to do a lot of anything. I was impressed I managed to do two large loads of laundry last weekend. I believe I was also in the middle of doing three other things at the same time.

Can’t believe I’ve had this beauty for 6 years. No wonder a few of the lights are burnt out.

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s December. Everything is happening at the same time. Everything is just as important. And FOMO is at an all time high. And all I want to do is cuddle up beside my tree, with a cup of ginger tea and listen to Bach. I’ve started listening to classical music whenever I am home because it’s the only thing that has helped me relax1.

I haven’t wanted to date really. I haven’t wanted to put my trust into another person the way I used to… the way I used to long to do. I still don’t but it’s been nice getting to know some new people without the pressure of anything becoming too serious too soon. I’ve also really enjoyed the time it’s allowed me for everything else. Focusing on my friends, and work, and I wish I could say it’s allowed me the time to focus on other projects but I’d be lying. Work has taken over my life. And what spare time I have, I either take to pamper myself or to spend some Quality Time with someone I adore.

It’s made me realize how much time I wasted chasing after something I really shouldn’t have been chasing; longing for that person who has my back, and who understands me better than anyone else2. I need to be careful though… I feel like I’ve been here before. I feel like I’ve made this realization before, only to have it swept under some rug in the home that some guy asked me to help build with him.

Then again, I feel much more sure, and stronger… just not in that stubborn way that some people who have survived adversity can become. At least, I’d like to think so. Only one way to find out, I guess. I’ve still got some demons to fight though. I know that. What I don’t know is whether said demons require a conversation or whether time will be enough to qualm them. I’ll try not to worry too much about it. It seems to be working for me so far.

Life is pretty good. You can tell from my not-at-all-curated instagram feed 😉

And now for some photographic evidence of *some* of the things I’ve been up to since I last wrote:

West Queen West BIA’s 2nd Annual Adopt-a-plant drive
Ascot Royals at the Indie Music Week 2016 Launch Party
Cavalcade of Lights at Nathan Philips Square
One of many Christmas functions with my lovely parents
#HoHoTO with my wifey
Dreaming of Summer with Moda Mama at the Sears Spring Launch #SearsSizzle

I’m missing photos from some other fun things I’ve done…because let’s face it, either they’re not fit for public consumption or I was having too much fun to take pictures 😉

‘Till I feel like writing again… xo

Footnotes:
  1. not the only thing, but he’s not as readily available as spotify is. He works almost as much as I do[]
  2. duh, she’s been inside me all along[]

Don’t let the door hit you on your way out, 2013!

Well, I guess that’s it. Isn’t it? This year is finally behind us. I’ve never looked forward for a year to end so much as I have this year. This year was the worst year out of all the years of life. And yet a lot of wonderful things happened1; I guess it just goes to show that there is always good that will come out of a bad situation. I just wish there had been more good this year than bad.

The things I wish to never forget about 2013:

1. That time I was in the pilot episode of a reality TV show called, Come Date With Me on the W Network.

Still from Come Date With Me Canada

2. Being auctioned off at Love a Heart2. Photo credit: Chris Luckhardt.

Facebook Events | Love a Heart

3. Stage Managing for Canadian Music Week and meeting #LeBeau, Garret3.

Canadian Music Week Stage Manager

4. Stage Managing for North By North East and meeting Sloan. Sorry no pictures.
5. Getting a brand new family member, Drogo.

Drogo Sy!

6. Having a custom vine made just for me by Cyrstal Light Canada.

Facebook | Crystal Light Canada | Weird & Wonderful You

7. Assistant Stage Managing for Pride and getting to meet and work with En Vogue.

En Vogue at Pride 2013

8. Going to Cunt Cottage and having an amazing weekend away from the city.

http://fragileheart.com/wp-content/uploads/cunt-cottage.jpg

9. Working for TIFF and getting to see some stars up-close-and-personal-like. No pictures, because I want to be able to work there again in 2014.
10. Going on a boat cruise with Shannon & the gang courtesy of Crazy Uncle. No pictures because I have no idea what I did with the pictures from that cruise. Oops.
11. Volunteering for TEDxToronto4.

TEDxToronto 2013

12. Being in a feature film that won an award at TOIndieFF2013, was part of the official selection at DIFF2013 and reviewed here.

Unhappy Happy Still
13. Working on the 48 hour film project where our team won Best Ensemble Cast.

Hashtag Bougie Productions

13. Meeting and falling in love with #LeBeau’s two daughters5. No pictures, of course. They’re too wittle.
14. Celebrating Christmas with our families and getting 2nd Christmas with the girls. Also no pictures, because I’m a spoil sport like that.
15. Being able to celeberate my birthday & the holidays with some really awesome friends. Again; no pictures, because we didn’t take a group photo and there are too many great ones to choose from.
16. Getting to keep in touch with my wifey, Christine Estima even though she’s a gazillion miles away.

Skyping with the Wifey

Last but not least…
17. Getting to do this fun photoshoot for Ford Canada with the ever-sexy, Ford Fiesta, Marie & Brock.

Date Night with the Ford Fiesta

Shopping fun with Marie & the Ford Fiesta

I’m not at all interested in re-living the past that was this horrible year, so I won’t go into any details about it. I would rather look forward with hope and excitement for what 2014 might have to bring. I can only hope that it’ll be a good year because if my own personal history has taught me anything 2015 is set to be another doozy. You see, there’s something about years that end in zeros and fives – they don’t like me very much. I had a terrible 1995, I can’t say 2000 was any better, 2005 was horrible, 2010 was another nightmare year… mind you, they were all bad for heartbreak but not much else.

Anyway, that’s a whole 365 days away. For now, here’s hoping that in 2014, I…:

  • …no longer have to worry about how I’m going to pay for groceries or laundry.
  • …can actually afford to meet up with friends at least once a week.
  • …find the energy to get off my ass and start exercising again.
  • …will visit my parents and cook for them more often.
  • …will stop worrying about things that I really have no control over.
  • …can reconnect with some old friends who I miss but have drifted away from, for no good reason. And stay connected.
  • …get to go camping twice – once with the family, and once with the man and/or friends.
  • …get to visit somewhere I have never been.
  • …write more for this blog.
  • …learn how to make a Filipino dish I have never made before, but love to eat.

And that’s about it. I had a longer list but I’ve cut it down some in an attempt to be a little more realistic with my resolutions. I didn’t make any resolutions for 2013 because at this age, I’m kind of over them. Since 2013 was such a bad year though, I needed some things to look forward to. And these are some of the more important things I’m looking forward to for this New Year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

What are you looking forward to in 2014?

Footnotes:
  1. I met Garret this year after all[]
  2. an annual favourite[]
  3. Nope. Not his real name[]
  4. another annual favourite[]
  5. and finally having children in my life. wee![]

Gratitude

I’m so incredibly grateful for so much in my life and I hope I say it enough to those that I should be saying it to:


The girls and I at #loserkaraoke before Tequila Sunrise closed down.

He’s a talented man.

  • I have my Mum, Dad and brother living in the same city as I am and that we don’t hate each other so much that we can’t stand to be around each other. I’m grateful that we still get on each other’s nerves sometimes because it just means we still care.
  • Priceless friends like Jackie and Sibel who don’t live anywhere near me but always seem to message me exactly when I just need to hear from someone who cares. I’m grateful for the unwavering love and lack of judgement I receive from you two.
  • On that note, I’m also grateful for Christine, Ashley, Noor, Dave , Affan and Heather. Heather’s also not nearby1 but she definitely falls under the category of great friend.
  • There is one more friend but I’m not sure I should be writing about that person so I’m going to leave this a mystery and you can just take my word for it that the gratitude is there.
  • A job where I am inspired every day to do my best and be accepted for who I am2) Colleagues and employers who are so different in many ways but have a mutual propensity for quality.
  • Re-discovering a mode of transportation that helps me keep my great ass3 in shape and makes me feel so free.
Wow, what dorks.
One of the best vacations of life.
Some friends are friends for life.
Why are my legs so white? Oh right, I don’t know how to buy stockings… Noor! Teach me?
I’m grateful for a lot of other things that would be awkward to say on a daily basis but it’s Thanksgiving so here we go:
  • My health problems aren’t as bad as they could be.
  • Apparently, I have this ability to avoid being traumatized by certain experiences… something I wouldn’t have discovered if I weren’t living in my current apartment that I am waiting to move out of. Granted I would have preferred that I didn’t discover this ability but it’s in the past so who-da-hey?!
  • The advantages I don’t think I would have if I weren’t considered so hot by people in general.
  • My hope.
  • Being able to apply logic to control emotional reactions4.
  • YOU reading this blog. You guys are nuts. This is all jibberish but thank you 🙂
And if I don’t end this here, I’m going to be late for going to my parents house and the whole ‘we-get-along-really-well’ will go out the window.
What are you grateful for?
Footnotes:
  1. she’s in Ottawa[]
  2. “quirks” and all ;[]
  3. guess I’m grateful for that too[]
  4. that shit ain’t easy yo[]

Pink is for Mother’s Day

Except my Mum’s favourite colour is red. Strong, passionate and solid red. I have been blessed with a Mum who’s selflessness is unlike anyone I’ve seen. She’s dedicated -to her husband, her children, her parents, her friends, her job; and naturally least of all herself. I don’t talk to her about boys but that’s more my doing; I’m sure she’d be able to offer me a lot of great advice if I let her1 but she taught me so much of what I know without my knowledge. I watch her now when I visit and notice that I’ve taken on so many of her great qualities and learnt a lot of the same lessons she’s learnt as we’ve shared a home and part of our lives together.

I hope I’ve made it obvious but to say that I’m grateful for being raised by a Mum like mine is most certainly an understatement. I can’t wait for the next phase in our lives where we become closer as friends and start to share an even deeper bond that’ll always be with me.

I love you Mummy.

Footnotes:
  1. maybe one day…[]