So much to say, not enough time

A lot has happened since I celebrated my thirty-fifth birthday. I mean I’ve mostly been working; which means I haven’t had much time to sit down and do very much writing. Heck, I haven’t had much time to do a lot of anything. I was impressed I managed to do two large loads of laundry last weekend. I believe I was also in the middle of doing three other things at the same time.

Can’t believe I’ve had this beauty for 6 years. No wonder a few of the lights are burnt out.

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s December. Everything is happening at the same time. Everything is just as important. And FOMO is at an all time high. And all I want to do is cuddle up beside my tree, with a cup of ginger tea and listen to Bach. I’ve started listening to classical music whenever I am home because it’s the only thing that has helped me relax1.

I haven’t wanted to date really. I haven’t wanted to put my trust into another person the way I used to… the way I used to long to do. I still don’t but it’s been nice getting to know some new people without the pressure of anything becoming too serious too soon. I’ve also really enjoyed the time it’s allowed me for everything else. Focusing on my friends, and work, and I wish I could say it’s allowed me the time to focus on other projects but I’d be lying. Work has taken over my life. And what spare time I have, I either take to pamper myself or to spend some Quality Time with someone I adore.

It’s made me realize how much time I wasted chasing after something I really shouldn’t have been chasing; longing for that person who has my back, and who understands me better than anyone else2. I need to be careful though… I feel like I’ve been here before. I feel like I’ve made this realization before, only to have it swept under some rug in the home that some guy asked me to help build with him.

Then again, I feel much more sure, and stronger… just not in that stubborn way that some people who have survived adversity can become. At least, I’d like to think so. Only one way to find out, I guess. I’ve still got some demons to fight though. I know that. What I don’t know is whether said demons require a conversation or whether time will be enough to qualm them. I’ll try not to worry too much about it. It seems to be working for me so far.

Life is pretty good. You can tell from my not-at-all-curated instagram feed 😉

And now for some photographic evidence of *some* of the things I’ve been up to since I last wrote:

West Queen West BIA’s 2nd Annual Adopt-a-plant drive
Ascot Royals at the Indie Music Week 2016 Launch Party
Cavalcade of Lights at Nathan Philips Square
One of many Christmas functions with my lovely parents
#HoHoTO with my wifey
Dreaming of Summer with Moda Mama at the Sears Spring Launch #SearsSizzle

I’m missing photos from some other fun things I’ve done…because let’s face it, either they’re not fit for public consumption or I was having too much fun to take pictures 😉

‘Till I feel like writing again… xo

  1. not the only thing, but he’s not as readily available as spotify is. He works almost as much as I do[]
  2. duh, she’s been inside me all along[]

Goodbye 2009

Two thousand and nine. What a heck of a year. Sure, nothing significant happened until May of this year but it pretty much snowballed from there. I move out of my parents’ place and quickly learned what it means to really use your toiletries1. It has certainly made me look at money in a very different way than I ever used to. I still own a lot of different bottles of whatever but most of it are from clothing swaps2. At first I got saddened by the reality of my “poverty”3, but I quickly realised how much worse it could be and that this was the price I was paying for my independence. Not that I ever had issues with independence when I was living with my parents in the sense that they were very trusting and allowed me to come and go as I pleased BUT they were also always around to bail me out4.

So even though I’ve had this resolution for the last few years, I know that thanks to the consumer proposal I filed earlier this year I will actually be able to say that I have made a dent in the debts that I owe.

The next significant thing to happen, was not a pleasant event in the least but I would be lying if I said that nothing good came from it. Breaking up is always hard to do but I think it definitely gave me the courage to be open with what I want, and5 begin being honest with myself about what I want. I don’t know how I managed to do it but even in the five years I was in my last relationship I learned to be sure enough of myself to know that it’s okay to want what I want, and that I may even deserve it. I’m not sure when it started but every relationship I started, started with doubt for me. I doubted myself, and what I had to offer a relationship and the person I was in the relationship with. Naturally, I didn’t want to freak out the guy I just started seeing so I never said anything and held it all in. What a way to start a relationship right?

Well, the next resolution for this year would be to not be in a relationship unless it really makes sense for both of us6. If I’m not ready, and he is then too bad because I’m not ready. If I’m ready and he’s not, then too bad because he’s not ready. I can only hope that I am able to only keep dating people who are able to be honest with themselves and with me so that I can keep this resolution. I realise this might be a really hard one to keep since it relies on other people but that’s another thing I think I need to learn to do: rely on people.

I don’t like to rely on people because, people can let you down. But more often than not they actually surprise and delight you, but only if you let them. So resolution number 37 is to let people in.

Many people have told me about friends of theirs who have regaled stories or have told me themselves about how the 28th year of their life was a significant one for them. I felt it before anyone said anything to me the night I turned 28 and I’m feeling it even more as the months pass by. And as many of you know, I desire to make the world better for5 the people I care about the most8 and I figured that I can only do that by first taking care of myself. So yes, these resolutions are about me. But they’re about all of you indirectly.

And with that I just want to say thanks to you for still being here through this turmoil I’ve been through in the last little while9. I hope that your 2009 was a memorable one – whether there were hardships or not – and that it only helped you become the wonderful person I know that you are10. I hope too that the beginning of the next decade brings nothing but prosperity, love and understanding for you and everyone you love.

What are some of your New Year’s resolutions?

  1. to the very last drop[]
  2. yes, we bring more than just clothes[]
  3. obviously, this is a horrible word to use because at least I still have a roof over my head and food in my belly but can I please have this one… just this once??[]
  4. financially[]
  5. at the very least[][]
  6. myself and whoever this dude might be[]
  7. for those keeping track[]
  8. uh, yes I realise I tend to care a lot about a lot of people[]
  9. even though you don’t comment, I know you’ve been here so thank you[]
  10. and don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise[]

If I had a billion dollars…

I was chatting with a friend on gtalk the other day and was, as usual, complaining about work. He mentioned something about wishing he had a billion dollars and my imagination went on overdrive. I was suddenly filled with hopeful spleandor at the thought of not having to worry about money.

I realised too that it was something I had never thought about, mostly because of my roots and the fact that I know I’ll have to work for money for the rest of my life – and I had accepted that. I like working; I just wish I was paid more. But that’s besides the point.

My instinctual fantasy was this:
I’d bartend in a cute little Irish Pub with regulars consisting of all sorts of people1 from all walks of life, in Greece2. I’d want to work Monday to Thursday 9am to 5pm3 and have my evenings and weekends off. Notice the four day work week? This is a fantasy after all.

Then I started building on this fantasy:
In the evening and on the weekends, I’d spend time on my yacht sailing around the islands or off in my plane where I can go sky diving. After work in the evenings, I’d walk through the vineyard4 and then down to the cellar and pick out a nice bottle of red for dinner. I’d cook my own meals and probably have seafood every night5… lobster, crab, mussels, fish, scallops6 and of course my absolute favourite shrimp!

Thinking this way put a huge smile on my face… a smile that has been missing from my face for a long time now. This chat with my friend made me realise what it was that I was missing from my life. I had somehow lost the one thing that kept me going through everything that I ever go through. Losing this had caused me to become bitter and even whiny7. Now I just have to try and hold on to my hope. Its the first time in a really8 long time that I had lost it so I wasn’t really sure what I was missing until now.

I have my friend to thank, but he’s going to remain anonymous because I’m not sure he’d want to be advertised… but thank you.

What would you do if you had a billion dollars?

  1. of all ages[]
  2. I’ve always wanted to go[]
  3. because having to wait until 11 to drink is ridiculous[]
  4. mine[]
  5. I’m living in Greece for crying out loud[]
  6. though maybe not as often[]
  7. ask my twitter followers, they’ll tell you I’ve been whiny lately[]
  8. like at least 11 years[]

Even the never-ending journey has to end sometime

I ran out of the plane as soon as I was able, but I shouldn’t have bothered because there was no way I was catching my plane. And even if I had caught my plane, there was no way my bags would have made it on the plane with me. Once I got to the Air Canada ticket desk I was put on standby for the night flight out to Toronto. After an hour and half, we1 found out that flight was full. So they put us on standby for the next flight… to Montreal2. After more running/speed walking I reached gate 27 to find out if they can get me on. Oh and if I may interrupt myself  for a second, who taught the English to count? Why the hell does gate 27 *not* come after gate 26? It went 24, 26, 25, 28, 29 and then 27 or something ridiculous like that. Sure they weren’t all on the same side, but even then it didn’t make sense!

Anyway, once all the passengers were on the plane the lady at the gate typed away at her keyboard for about 15 mintues.  Once she was done, she walked over to the girl beside me and told her that the plane was full and that they3 would have to get her on the next flight. I was only slightly relieved because it was a flight to Montreal and with the way the day had been going, I was expecting another delay. But I wasn’t expecting this…

I walked into the cabin and walked briskly by the first class cabin as I assumed there was no way my seat would be in there – even though it clearly stated on my ticket that I was in 04F- Aisle Seat. I only realised when I walked into the business cabin that started at row 12. So I had to walk back and interrupt the snobs in First Class. I was embarrassed and flustered, and suddenly everything seemed foreign to me. I couldn’t even find the bloody overhead compartment! I signaled to one of the guys in neon vests to help me put up my suitcase when a voice behind me said, “Yes”. I think he meant it to say, “Yes, that is where your suitcase goes”. Feeling even more embarrassed now I pulled open the compartment and attempted to put my case in. It wouldn’t fit, so I opened my expanded case and took out my coat just in time for the guy to come over and put it in the over-head compartment for me.

Thankfully, after the three hour delay we spent on the tarmac, the rest of the flight continued mostly without incident4. I would like to go on about how great it was to be able to sit in first class but the endless delays and hassle caused by Air Canada strongly overshadow the exprience. After arriving in Montreal, going through customs and checking in again I realised that despite being delayed in Heathrow for almost five hours, my bags still didn’t make it in with me.

Once my delayed5 flight landed in Toronto, I went to the customer service desk in the baggage claim area and filed a report. They gave me a little card with the tracking information and off I went. I was home. 10 1/2 hours later than I was originally scheduled. We got home at 2am, and the sight of my room made the nightmare more real. I was 3,200miles away from the love of my life again. I had just had an exhausting day and I couldn’t even comfort myself by sinking into his arms.

My only saving grace was that I didn’t have to go into work for another two days. Two days that I had planned on using to unpack, do laundry and re-organise my room and my things6 but I couldn’t do any of that. My cases arrived four days after I arrived, just in time for the weekend and the drama was over.

And so ends my holiday tale; have you ever been on a dream holiday that ended in disaster?

Posts in this series:
Part 1: The holiday.
Part 2: The gift.
Part 3: The New Year.
Part 4: Flickr Friday: The never-ending journey.
Part 5: Even the never-ending journey has to end sometime7.

  1. there were about 8 other people in my situation[]
  2. insert eye-roll here[]
  3. Air Canada[]
  4. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must have been for those who were in economy – I slept during the delay[]
  5. yet again[]
  6. of course, I’m just obsessing now because at least I was able to unwind instead[]
  7. you are here[]