A lot has happened since I celebrated my thirty-fifth birthday. I mean I’ve mostly been working; which means I haven’t had much time to sit down and do very much writing. Heck, I haven’t had much time to do a lot of anything. I was impressed I managed to do two large loads of laundry last weekend. I believe I was also in the middle of doing three other things at the same time.
In case you haven’t noticed, it’s December. Everything is happening at the same time. Everything is just as important. And FOMO is at an all time high. And all I want to do is cuddle up beside my tree, with a cup of ginger tea and listen to Bach. I’ve started listening to classical music whenever I am home because it’s the only thing that has helped me relax1.
I haven’t wanted to date really. I haven’t wanted to put my trust into another person the way I used to… the way I used to long to do. I still don’t but it’s been nice getting to know some new people without the pressure of anything becoming too serious too soon. I’ve also really enjoyed the time it’s allowed me for everything else. Focusing on my friends, and work, and I wish I could say it’s allowed me the time to focus on other projects but I’d be lying. Work has taken over my life. And what spare time I have, I either take to pamper myself or to spend some Quality Time with someone I adore.
It’s made me realize how much time I wasted chasing after something I really shouldn’t have been chasing; longing for that person who has my back, and who understands me better than anyone else2. I need to be careful though… I feel like I’ve been here before. I feel like I’ve made this realization before, only to have it swept under some rug in the home that some guy asked me to help build with him.
Then again, I feel much more sure, and stronger… just not in that stubborn way that some people who have survived adversity can become. At least, I’d like to think so. Only one way to find out, I guess. I’ve still got some demons to fight though. I know that. What I don’t know is whether said demons require a conversation or whether time will be enough to qualm them. I’ll try not to worry too much about it. It seems to be working for me so far.
Life is pretty good. You can tell from my not-at-all-curated instagram feed 😉
And now for some photographic evidence of *some* of the things I’ve been up to since I last wrote:
I’m missing photos from some other fun things I’ve done…because let’s face it, either they’re not fit for public consumption or I was having too much fun to take pictures 😉
‘Till I feel like writing again… xo
not the only thing, but he’s not as readily available as spotify is. He works almost as much as I do[↩]
I can’t believe it has been 12 years since the day that we all call 9/11 happened. I remember being woken up by my boyfriend at the time1, and being slightly upset with him. I was trying to sleep in because I had just flown in the night before from visiting Jackie in L.A. I had been there for three weeks and the flight was almost delayed to the next morning. That very morning when horrible things happened that have affected so many lives in ways we’re probably not even done realizing yet.
He told me to turn on the TV and despite my crankiness, I heard something in his voice that I had never heard to such an extent, so I did. And I swear I held my breath for what seemed like an eternity. I held my breath as if I was making a wish before I blow out a birthday cake. I was praying that it was all some sick joke or publicity stunt. It was ridiculous to wish for, but I just wanted something other than the truth to be that a plane had flown into a very important building in New York City.
All that happened though, was that things got worse. I don’t need to re-tell the story because we all know what happened. And we would continue to hear more stories from people2. We all lost something that day. We all lost a little faith, a little hope, innocence… even when we thought we didn’t have any more of those things to lose. Then we started hearing stories about the heroes; the ones who stood in the face of evil and told it to fuck off. And even though their efforts were in vain, it helped to know that they didn’t go down without a fight.
I have lived a lucky life to only know of such horrible loss from a distance. My heart goes out to those who weren’t so lucky. I will always remember.
a sweet guy who was way too mature for me at the time, If I knew back then what I know now I never would have let him go[↩]
and we would eat them up because for some of us knowing the details helps us cope[↩]
My grandmother passed away this weekend. She was 76 and the dearest soul… She was such a Mom. Always taking care of people, always wanting to feed you more. She was cute and the smallest member of our family (minus the really really young kids). She was a lot like my Mum: smart, perceptive, intuitive, talented in many respects, gentle but firm and most of all, all about love. Maria Fe Santos Wang did not have a bad bone in her body and I’ve missed growing up in her wisdom.
I was at work when my Mum called me to tell me the news and I couldn’t hold my protest in. In a way I’m glad I wasn’t at home, because then I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to stop crying because my Mum would have been crying. Jason was really good at comforting me that night and I was grateful that he was there. Everyone’s been really awesome in this time and I just want to say thank you. I wish that you all could’ve met her… for those of you that have met my Mum, my Grandmum was the same… except less annoying *smirk*.
I’d like to ask all of you to take a moment to honor my Grandmum’s memory, even if you didn’t know her, living in the Philippines is hard and she did it with grace, courage and integrity. Thank you for your time… 🙂