A long day ends with some retrospection

You know, it has been one heck of a wild ride. I would be more specific but I am not sure I can see when said ride began anymore -it was that long of a ride1!

Two years ago a very big chapter of my life ended. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I’m not so sure that the last two years is something I could have predicted. What it comes down to is that I know I’m ready to try my hand at a monogamous relationship again. As a bonus I’m also now in a headspace where I don’t feel an urgent need to find it2.

The last guy3, was unexpectedly spectacular but in retrospect he had many personality traits that I was overlooking. I get why his gut feeling was telling him that we weren’t that compatible; to be honest I think he would have driven me crazier than he already did in the oh-so-brief-but-freaking-intense romance that we shared. It still stings a little to think about so I know I’m not ready to have him in my life just yet… I just hope that I actually can one day4.

Then there is the other one. The one who really shook me up two years ago; wanting to make friends… wanting to re-connect. I don’t think I’m ready and to be completely honest, I’m not so sure I will ever be. Yes, I am the type of person who can forgive and forget anything but there is a certain comfort level that I need to have with the people I keep close to me ((What I’m trying not to say is that I simply need to be able to trust a person and I don’t think I can ever trust him again)).

Sigh. Boys5. I don’t even know what to say sometimes. Do you ever stop to think about what you’re saying to us women? I mean, if you were a father and some boy were saying the same things to your daughter -how would you feel? Enraged, I’m sure. Yet you don’t have a problem saying it to a girl you barely know or talk to? JUST because she’s nice and open minded? I’m pretty sure that is balls.

And I’m apartment hunting again. I really hope this is the last time for at least 2 years. After that I’m hoping any move I make is either to another city or… space? 😉

Making the effort to talk to my parents daily and/or see them more often seems to be helping things despite my obliviousness to the fact that said things needed help.

I need more time to think… but I should also get some sleep. Meep.

Footnotes:
  1. Don’t get excited, I’m not about to tell you either…[]
  2. at least not anymore… though I can’t quite explain why so I’m tempted to think that I’m in denial about it but only time will tell[]
  3. who some of you know about[]
  4. and hopefully soon[]
  5. You can’t tell but I had to close my eyes and breathe for 15 seconds before I could continue writing[]

Pink is for Mother’s Day

Except my Mum’s favourite colour is red. Strong, passionate and solid red. I have been blessed with a Mum who’s selflessness is unlike anyone I’ve seen. She’s dedicated -to her husband, her children, her parents, her friends, her job; and naturally least of all herself. I don’t talk to her about boys but that’s more my doing; I’m sure she’d be able to offer me a lot of great advice if I let her1 but she taught me so much of what I know without my knowledge. I watch her now when I visit and notice that I’ve taken on so many of her great qualities and learnt a lot of the same lessons she’s learnt as we’ve shared a home and part of our lives together.

I hope I’ve made it obvious but to say that I’m grateful for being raised by a Mum like mine is most certainly an understatement. I can’t wait for the next phase in our lives where we become closer as friends and start to share an even deeper bond that’ll always be with me.

I love you Mummy.

Footnotes:
  1. maybe one day…[]

30 years of bliss

Today my parents are celebrating 30 years of marital bliss. I’m sure that all 30 years haven’t been exactly ‘blissful’ but you know, they’ve made it to this point and they’re still smiling and laughing and sleeping in the same bed1.

My parents were never openly affectionate in public2 but they were always very caring. I get my inability to allow a guest into my home without offering them something to drink at the very least from my Mum. The fact that I can walk around without my head up my ass3 from my Dad. I even get my worrying ways from them4.

They are my parents who are lovely, charming, generous, caring and funny5 among many other wonderful qualities. My brother and I are very lucky to have parents who have such good souls who push us just enough but trust us to live our own lives. Sure we don’t have a lot of immediate family here, but our small family of four are slowly but surely becoming great friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happy Anniversary Mum & Dad xo

Footnotes:
  1. and I can only hope they’re doing more than sleeping sometimes – yeah, I went there[]
  2. so I’m not sure where I get my affection from is what I’m sayin’[]
  3. and help someone pick up something they dropped[]
  4. mostly Mum but Dad worries too or maybe he just worries about me[]
  5. but don’t ever tell them I said that[]

Mummy

As I grow older and we,
Slowly become friends,
I realise what defines me,
As a girl, as a woman,
can be traced back to you.

Your warmth and care,
Your goofy jokes,
Your energy,
Your mind,
Always make me smile.

Its a treasure to know you,
More so to love you,
Even still to be loved by you,
I hope you always know,
My brother and I,
                         will always need you.

Happy Birthday Mummy.