The importance of self-love

[Only because I haven’t talked about this kind of stuff since the condom reviews, I feel like I should warn you… the subject matter is sexual. Consider yourself warned]

I was raised Roman Catholic. No one taught me about sex. I discovered everything I know about that subject all on my own. Okay maybe I had the the help of a few people1. Despite all the ‘experience’ I had though, I didn’t really discover the benefits of self-love2 until a few years ago. Benefits that I am happily taking advantage of due to a combination of a recent change in my situation, as well as the realization that I am no longer interested in being intimate with any warm body.

Recently, I got to be Joanna‘s plus one at a really fun event3 and while we were sipping champagne and browsing through their awesome selection we got to talking about masturbating and how important it is for so many reasons. It’s an important part of knowing your body; knowing how to please yourself and when the time comes, knowing how to help someone else please you. It’s also a wonderful buffer to prevent yourself from becoming intimate with the wrong person.

I have to be honest that the appeal of playing with only myself was never there for me. When you consider the fact that I have never had an issue finding someone who was willing to ‘do the job’4 it’s easy to understand why. Now that I’m in my 30s though, ‘the game’ has gotten so old and having to rely on someone else has become far less appealing. Sure, I still enjoy a long play session with someone worthwhile from time to time but it actually makes it more fun if those long sessions aren’t as frequent as they used to be. Even better that in between I get to enjoy some quality time with myself.

There is one other benefit that I wish I had known about while I was in my 20s. Since I am no longer plagued by this problem, I can freely talk about the fact that when I was in my 20s I often found it difficult to avoid getting intimate with someone too soon. I don’t regret anything I did, by any means, but I’m certainly glad I was able to change that about myself. Things never work out the way I want when i sleep with someone on the first, or even the second date.

It isn’t until recently that I discovered how integral it5 is to preventing pre-mature intimacy when you’re still getting to know someone. I mean… all those dates I went on when I was feeling lonely or horny and I decided to sleep with the guy on the first date just because I had an itch that needed to be scratched? I just think about all the heart-break6 that could have been avoided… and I do feel bad. However, It’s my policy not to live with regret though; learn the lesson and move on, right?

Some people might think it’s sad, but I really don’t think it has to be. I think it’s a great supplement to a healthy sex-life. I even know some people who are incapable of pleasing themselves on their own, and I think it’s really unfortunate. But everyone has their own problems… who am I to judge?

Screen Shot 2016-03-20 at 22.51.41

Now more than ever, I’m hoping to focus on being more self-sufficient because for most of my life I have relied on other people for my happiness7. I’ve been trying to focus on this though for the last 3 years. Here’s hoping it finally sticks.

Footnotes:
  1. but that is a whole other topic I won’t be getting into right now[]
  2. yes, I mean masturbation[]
  3. by a brand that I’m certain wouldn’t want to be mentioned on a post with such a sexual subject matter[]
  4. not to sound cocky but it’s just a fact[]
  5. masturbating[]
  6. not just mine[]
  7. oh and yes, there is plenty of happiness to be found in masturbation[]

The one where we try lots of condoms

Things have been pretty heavy around here lately. I’m smiling and happy, I swear. Don’t believe me? Fine. Humour me then. Let’s pretend you like to have a lot of sex. A lot of sex. You’d rather have sex than eat sometimes1. Well then, you must go through a lot of condoms2. How did you end up choosing your favourite brand? Did you go to the drug store and pick up a pack of 12 love gloves and have to use each one until they were done, and then buy a new pack to try?

NSFW: Vintage Erotica from Tumblr

Okay so maybe you have one of those cool stores that sell singles near you. Tell me I’m wrong but those places can be intimidating; and also full of loud teenagers too nervous to ask important questions about said singles. Like, “how do I choose the condom that’s right for me3?” I know what you’re thinking, there has to be a better way.

There is. Lucky Bloke is website and one-stop shop whose mission is help you Have Sex and Save The World4. They found me on twitter and asked me if I wanted to review condoms, and much to my partner’s dismay5 I agreed.

I logged in to the site and was a little overwhelmed by my own excitement at first6. Seriously, check out The Condom Review, you’ll see why. Look at all those choices! How was I supposed to pick just one? I wanted them all! I eventually decided on the Japanese Ultrathin Sampler because when it comes to condoms, thin is just more fun. Right?

It arrived in the mail in a small, padded manila envelope with no mention of the word condom or the like7, which was handy since my permanent mailing address is my parents’ home. Of course, they know I have sex at this stage in my life but there’s no need to rub it in their faces. And if you’re into that kind of thing, I won’t judge you8.

I won’t bore you with the details, but after a lot of hard work9 it was time to sit down and relive each experiment in order to decide which condom I liked best. There are many good things to be said for all the condoms in the Japanese Ultrathin Sampler but my favourite one has to be the Kimono Microthin10. There is something they do over at Kimono that makes their condoms just feel amazeballs11. But hey, don’t take my word for it – get your own sampler12!

The Condom Review: Japanese Ultrathin Sampler

Looking to find your perfect condom? Visit The Condom Review where you’ll find over 1,000 reviews of the world’s best condoms. As per FTC13 guidelines, I received my sampler free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product.

How did you choose your favourite condom?

Footnotes:
  1. except you’d probably need to eat to keep having lots of sex[]
  2. you better go through a lot of condoms[]
  3. it is an important question dude[]
  4. it says so on the pop up found on their landing page[]
  5. yeah? Did you fall for that one?[]
  6. when you are me, you get used to this feeling pretty quickly[]
  7. discretion for the win![]
  8. okay maybe a little but it comes with lots of love[]
  9. pun not intended[]
  10. partially because it comes in a large size, that is actually large[]
  11. pun also not intended[]
  12. p.s. I ordered two, so don’t go thinking you will get two as well[]
  13. I had to look this up: Federal Trade Guidelines – Consumer protection agency in the USA[]

I should be jogging

I should be jogging but I’m feeling extremely reflective this Sunday Morning so I’m doing something I haven’t done in a long time – blogging! Life has taken on a wonderful turn. I’m living the perfect single life right now and I couldn’t be happier. I just checked with myself and I am not even as lonely as I thought I would be. The truth is, I have people. I may not have a person, but I have people who fulfill that one person in their various ways.

Don’t get me wrong, it still feels like something is missing but I think that it’s good for me to continue being single for a while, even though I decided to start dating again. I like having one person to turn to whenever I need some sympathy but with Twitter around, I have that one person. Except that one person is actually in the hundreds1. Add to that real-life meetings2 and what more could a girl really ask for? Oh right,3 satisfaction – not to worry, I have that covered too.

Then there are those sort of activities that you would normally only experience with a significant other; partially because of the chemistry between male & female whilst they execute these activities4 like going out to nice dinners and making delicious, gourmet dinners together and enjoying lots and lots of wine. I can enjoy these things, knowing that these people are not expecting sex from me. Do you have any idea how wonderful it feels to hang out with guys and feel that they love you and yet know that they’re not going to try to sleep with you? It feel fan-freakin’-tastically amazing.

Every since I hit puberty, all the boys want to talk to me and they stare and they call and whatever. But in all honesty, they can all go fuck themselves because they rarely actually care or cared about me as a person. Naturally, I envied ‘the cute’ one in the group because the boys who liked them did so because they were interested in hanging out with them and having a real relationship with them. When I was younger, I was insecure and I gave in to their wants to try to get them to like me, and hopefully get to know me. Ask me if that worked out, eff no. ‘The cute’ one in the group would tell me to shut up because at least I could get laid and all the boys wanted to do was spend time with them… I didn’t even know what to say to that so I just stared with my mouth a-gape.

So I might as well spell it out. If you’re thinking about it… You are SOL5 unless you and I become best friends first and I’m still attracted to you after that; because this shop is on fort knox mode, permanentemente.

Footnotes:
  1. no, not in age you doof[]
  2. aka Tweetups[]
  3. sexual[]
  4. get your mind out of the gutter, I’m not talking about sex – we just covered that[]
  5. “shit out of luck” for those of you who needed that[]

We’ve only just begun…

It’s raining outside. I feel amazing after a run with Dante1, some push-ups, sit-ups and a quick shower. How did he creep into my love for rain? It used to be Franz’s1 thing. Is nothing sacred anymore? Though I’m glad Drake1 and I never actually had any memories in the rain… though I’m not sure there’s anything that could compare to that kiss with Franz. Even now2 I get lost in my thoughts for a good minute or two reliving that passionate moment. If only Franz was as mature emotionally as he was sexually… if only… yadi yadda yadda.

I do wish it had worked out with Franz way back in 1995 but then again, I never would’ve experienced everything I have since then. And they are not the sort of experiences I would wish to do away with. So many boys, then men… and then some boys pretending to be men. Dante asked me a really good question today, ‘when do you think you’ll be ready to get into a serious relationship?’.3 I said, ‘that won’t happen for a very long time… I’m good and broken this time D.’

He seemed to understand. Almost three years ago he got his heart shattered into a million little pieces and was left to pick up the pieces half way across the world without so much as a broom. He’s taken his time, but he’s ready to love again. How’s that for hope? Just when I thought I had lost mine. Knowing that someone like Dante (he has issues – and now add trust issues to that) can be ready.. well, why can’t a hopeless romantic like me? One day… one day…

Until then, I’ll be rambling rather aimlessly for a while so get comfortable.

Footnotes:
  1. name has been changed to protect the innocent[][][]
  2. literally, just now[]
  3. In my head I said, ‘When Mario (name has been changed to protect the innocent) gets tired of f******* me…’ but[]