I’m so incredibly grateful for so much in my life and I hope I say it enough to those that I should be saying it to:

The girls and I at #loserkaraoke before Tequila Sunrise closed down.

He’s a talented man.

  • I have my Mum, Dad and brother living in the same city as I am and that we don’t hate each other so much that we can’t stand to be around each other. I’m grateful that we still get on each other’s nerves sometimes because it just means we still care.
  • Priceless friends like Jackie and Sibel who don’t live anywhere near me but always seem to message me exactly when I just need to hear from someone who cares. I’m grateful for the unwavering love and lack of judgement I receive from you two.
  • On that note, I’m also grateful for Christine, Ashley, Noor, Dave , Affan and Heather. Heather’s also not nearby1 but she definitely falls under the category of great friend.
  • There is one more friend but I’m not sure I should be writing about that person so I’m going to leave this a mystery and you can just take my word for it that the gratitude is there.
  • A job where I am inspired every day to do my best and be accepted for who I am2) Colleagues and employers who are so different in many ways but have a mutual propensity for quality.
  • Re-discovering a mode of transportation that helps me keep my great ass3 in shape and makes me feel so free.
Wow, what dorks.
One of the best vacations of life.
Some friends are friends for life.
Why are my legs so white? Oh right, I don’t know how to buy stockings… Noor! Teach me?
I’m grateful for a lot of other things that would be awkward to say on a daily basis but it’s Thanksgiving so here we go:
  • My health problems aren’t as bad as they could be.
  • Apparently, I have this ability to avoid being traumatized by certain experiences… something I wouldn’t have discovered if I weren’t living in my current apartment that I am waiting to move out of. Granted I would have preferred that I didn’t discover this ability but it’s in the past so who-da-hey?!
  • The advantages I don’t think I would have if I weren’t considered so hot by people in general.
  • My hope.
  • Being able to apply logic to control emotional reactions4.
  • YOU reading this blog. You guys are nuts. This is all jibberish but thank you 🙂
And if I don’t end this here, I’m going to be late for going to my parents house and the whole ‘we-get-along-really-well’ will go out the window.
What are you grateful for?
  1. she’s in Ottawa[]
  2. “quirks” and all ;[]
  3. guess I’m grateful for that too[]
  4. that shit ain’t easy yo[]

Everything happens for a reason

Scrabble scores

Whenever something doesn’t turn out the way I expected it to; I try not to wallow in self pity or get angry or allow myself to spend too much time with any negative emotions. I’m not afraid of them, I just think it’s a waste of time and energy. I understand that these negative emotions are a part of human nature, they’re inevitable. I don’t try to fight them, I just don’t want them taking over my life. When I was a child, and then a tween and finally a teen and even when I was a young adult – I let it take over my life all the time. I had such a short fuse, it was a wonder I never ran out of fuses and just stayed blown out.

There was no exact moment that made it change. But there were obvious factors. One was the Irish boy, and being in Ireland all together. I never quite understood it because he had a very short fuze himself1 but he had a way of calming me down. Despite all of our differences and problems, he centered me in a way I still can’t explain. Maybe that’s why I was so in love with him or maybe because I was so in love with him he centered me. I’ll never know and I’m ok with that. Either way, I’m grateful to have known him and grateful to have had a chance to live in Dublin where I learned to relax2. Without this ability, I may not be half as happy as I am these days.

Speaking of moving countries that helped in my personal development: I lived in Dubai from age 4 to 16. I went to a Private school. A Private Catholic school. In a muslim country. Can you say repressed? I wasn’t allowed to. So what did I do? I hiked up my skirt3 and unbuttoned my blouse too low. I skipped classes and talked to all the boys and got C’s and D’s in everything but English & Art. I was on the fast track to becoming someone’s baby mama; ok maybe not. I only ever slept with one person while I was there, and he was my first love. But miraculously when we moved to Canada I was reborn. It was as-if passing over the Atlantic Ocean erased everything and gave me new life. I got As. I got involved in school. I uh.. was prom queen4. Needless to say, I am thankful that my parents moved us from Dubai to Toronto5.

Broken hearts. I’ve had my share of broken hearts and I’ve dealt my fair share as well. You don’t take on a moniker like ‘fragileheart’ without knowing a thing or two about fragile hearts. The most recent broken heart and the one that seems to really have turned my world upside down in a way I never imagined anything could, was an unexpected mind-fuck. I let my guard down to the one person I really shouldn’t have. I had been so wary of openly trusting someone with my heart since my first love. But he got me at the right time; I had just broken the heart of someone I loved more than anything in the world6 and was in a foolish mood to throw caution to the wind. So throw I did.

And advantage, he did take. I don’t blame him though. I am my own person. I let him in and I he walked away with a lot more than just my ability to trust. But I am still thankful for the experience because it is the hardest lesson I have yet to learn in this seemingly hap-hazard, carefree life I have led to date. I have since learnt to slow down and it would appear that it is just in the nick of time. I’m finally learning to be on my own; I am learning to be more independent than I was before but simultaneously learning how to treasure girlfriends. So I’m thankful that I met him. Mind you, I’m also thankful that I no longer have him in my life but that’s neither here nor there7

Everything happens for a reason. These are only some of examples from my life that I truly am thankful for. It goes without saying that I am grateful for my family. I don’t know what I would do without my Dad, Mum & brother but that’s a whole other post and I think I’m going to save that for next year8.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

  1. two short fuzes, and we wondered why we fought so much?[]
  2. and not be so anal, so ‘Monica’[]
  3. a little more, show your world to me[]
  4. I’m not *always* proud to admit this one[]
  5. not just Canada[]
  6. despite all our differences – The Irish boy; though he’d never believe these words[]
  7. it’s somewhere else? ;P[]
  8. my 30th thanksgiving[]

Taking things for granted

American Toad in black and white

I find it fascinating that I used to have such a hard time relating to other girls. And now, I find it hard to relate to boys1. I haven’t been able to figure out when it happened or if it was even an over night change but I do like it. Women may be crazy2 but they3 are simply amazing creatures too.

I think that everything happens for a reason, and I think the reason I had a hard time relating to girls when I was younger was because I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate it as much. I was a cocky little shit when I was younger, and life didn’t help the matter because I was pretty lucky and it seemed to make me take things for granted. Not on purpose. And I always thought that I was pretty aware and self-aware; but in hindsight, there are a lot of things that I didn’t appreciate enough to remember.

When I started reconnecting4 with people I went to high school in Dubai with, they started recanting events that I only remembered based on pictures I remember seeing. I also noticed that they all seemed to have stayed in touch with each other and some were still best friends. And it made me realise that I was not as smart as I used to think I was. I’m so much more aware now; aware of all the things I don’t know anything about. And it forces me to pay attention to the way I say things, the way what I do or say might affect someone else.

But I digress, I used to take for granted how important it was to have close girlfriends; to have the same kind of bond I was looking for with a significant other, but with someone of the same sex5. I am so grateful that I didn’t live my entire life not knowing this kind of bond. And nowadays, I get to bond and hang out with more than a handful of really awesome women. It is just one of the things I am really thankful for this Thanksgiving.

I am especially thankful for girls like CN, HM, Heather, Christine, Dez, VM, SG, AS, JZ and IMS. I’m also thankful for the wonderful ladies I have gotten to know lately via twitter. I am still getting to know you but I have loved every minute of it so far. You all make me want to dance like nobody’s watching.

What are you thankful for?

Update: I am a jerk and forgot my wonderful Niya6!

  1. men, whatever[]
  2. I’m sorry ladies, but let’s call a spade a spade[]
  3. I suppose I should say we, huh?[]
  4. thanks to facebook[]
  5. and I don’t mean in the Lesbian way – pervert ;P[]
  6. to top it off I know she won’t mind because she’s just that amazing[]

Media Whatever

Yes, I still watch Heroes and Grey’s Anatomy but you see this life of mine has taken an unexpected turn that I’m not at liberty to discuss.. but that doesn’t make things any easier. It certainly doesn’t make it easy for me to write about Heroes and/or keep track of what happened when. So I’m going to have to quit, which saddens me because I don’t have enough people to talk about Heroes with in my life. So if anyone needs to chat about Heroes on twitter: let me know!

Yesterday, we celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving and I’m sad to say that I’m now dreading Christmas. Like seriously dreading it because I don’t know how I’m going to get through it. For those of you who know the full story, you’ll understand why1. I kept busy though and it was about all that kept me from breaking down, but I won’t be able to keep this busy for long…

I feel like I’m floating without much direction. Then again I’ve been feeling like that for a while, except before I felt like there was still something tying me down. I still do, but with weaker rope. It’s such a funny feeling to float around, yet feel like you’re not getting anywhere useful. I’ve written so much poetry in the last few months but nothing I feel comfortable sharing just yet. They’re still very raw, and a little juvenile. I’ll have to dig out some of my old poems too and see if I can find something to refine, because I’m feeling a lot of similar feelings right now.

I have also been listening to a lot of Damien Rice lately. A lot of his fans are really disappointed that he and Lisa Hannigan have parted ways but personally, I love this version of Rootless Tree:

How are you doing these days?

  1. for those who don’t please feel free to DM me on twitter and I’ll explain, but I can’t write about it in public[]