What happened to the optimistic girl that prepared for the worst? When did I start expecting the worst of people?
I always let the little things bother me. I always get ‘stuck in a moment’ and have only recently been able to move on without encouragement from other people. But it’s not enough. I’m so angry. All the time. And it’s not like I don’t have thinks to be thankful for. To be happy about. I do have happy thoughts. But for some reason, even the smallest things set me off.
Like people making a cup of tea in the communal kitchen in the office and leaving the spoon in the sink. Knowing that they shouldn’t be leaving it there (I know this because I light-heartedly mentioned it).
I’m sure I could go on with other examples, but that wasn’t the point of this post. This is about trying to figure out what happened to me. Do I crave misery? Do I prefer to be miserable? Am I miserable? I used to write about heartache, and longing. And now that I have no reason to write about that have I moved on to being miserable in some other way?
This has really been bothering me the last few days. It’s getting to unhealthy for me to continue this way. My ears are always burning. My head always hurting. My jaw always clenched. It can’t be healthy. I need to calm down. I need some, “It doesn’t matter” philosophy and I need it soon.