Uncertainty

He always makes me feel so good about myself. He’s constantly complimenting me. I like the way he touches me. I like the way he kisses me. But I still wish he were someone else… does that make me a bad person? I’m sure it does. Everyone keeps telling me that I should talk to him about what is going on between us, but when we’re together I can never seem to bring myself to open my mouth and talk about it. It’s really starting to bug me though… it’s always at the back of my mind and the more it racks my brain the more nervous I get about talking to him about it.

I don’t know what I want. I want to keep seeing him, but I don’t want to be tied down. I don’t want to be tied down because it’s not fair to him. I’m still in love with Pacey. So much so that sometimes I almost call out his name. Seeing him casually isn’t even really fair since he doesn’t know these things. I’m a horrible person and I think that it probably will be better to just end it.

He changed his MSN name recently to read “Wow… I dunno… just ‘wow’…” and I’m assuming (but I could be wrong) that it has something to do with me and while I agree that we have a great time together, I can’t go any farther than that at the moment. I hate baggage…