When change hurts

It has been a journey to say the least. The last few months have been a wonderful whirlwind of ups, downs and important lessons and realizations. I think the one lesson that I didn’t expect to learn after all this is that despite being able to adapt to my surroundings extremely well -how much my bearings are affected if I don’t have a proper place to sleep.

For the last three months I have been sleeping on my Ikea love-seat because I couldn’t sleep on my bed1 until three nights ago. Depending on what way you look at it, you could say it cost me a lot but I don’t think placing blame on circumstance does me any good so it just is what it was: a learning experience. Heck, it didn’t kill me right?

30 years. As of some time in the late evening on November 7th, the cells and whatever spirit that make up this girl right here would have been alive for 30 years. I’ll admit there is a part of me that feels like a bit of a disappointment but then there’s another part of me that knows that my life is only just beginning so long as I allow myself the chance at said beginning.

Live each day as if it were your last. Someone great said that to me recently as we were walking the 6.5kms to my new home2 at 4am. By the way, don’t let the knowledge of this act taint your image of bohunkCA; he was the perfect jerk as always – and yes ladies, he was totally topless the whole way there 😉

I want to make an art out of living life, where I find joy in every little moment of every day – regardless of what is going on at the time. Growing up, I had never really paid much attention to the things that really made my heart soar. I knew the obvious things like music3, food, love, and sex… all those self-indulgent sort of things. But now I’m paying more attention to how happy it makes me to be around people like my family and closest friends4.

I know I have lot of work to do up ahead of me but I do think I am up to the task. It feels strange to say that I have never really felt this ready before but I guess I’m just done being afraid. I’m still in the process of getting my life back but I have no doubt that whatever is coming next is going to be amazing. It’s been amazing even when it should have been horrible so how could it not?!

I want to know though: did you love or hate turning 30?

Footnotes:
  1. I really don’t want to say it, don’t make me say it: I had bed bugs[]
  2. it was so old school I couldn’t resist but agree to walk home with him[]
  3. specifically singing[]
  4. the ones who have stuck by me no matter what fucked up shit I’ve done – you know who you are[]

responses to “When change hurts” 6

  1. For me 30 wasn’t such a big deal (I turned 30 in June of this year) the only issue I had with it was I sort of expected to have accomplished more by now. Bright side: it gave me even more drive to work to accomplish even more for the time when I turn 40 though!

    1. This is pretty much what I’m feeling right now. I feel like I have so much to accomplish in the next 10 years and I feel like there is a fire inside just waiting to rage against anything that stands in my way. Disclaimer: This is not meant to frighten anyone though. I’m sure I’ll still be Reggy… lol

  2. Happy Birthday, Reggie!

    The year I turned 30 was the first time I felt old. Not because of the number though. I was at the El Mo to see some friends perform and the DJ of the band was spinning old skool prior. A couple of areas on the floor were set up for people to breakdance. It gradually dawned on me that the breakdancers were generally about 19 or 20 years old. I realized that I discovered hip hop culture in 1984 which included a couple of kids who knew how to breakdance. Literally these kids breakdancing in front of me at the El Mo were in the womb or not even fertilized eggs yet when I discovered hip hop. That’s when I first felt old. Trust me, it hasn’t stopped.

    Raymond AKA The Funky Barrister

    1. Thank you Raymond! I have definitely had moments like that but it usually comes during times when they’re yelling and screaming and laughing so loud about nothing at all… but then I get drunk with friends one night and I act the exact same way so I don’t feel so bad! lol

  3. 30 wasn’t a big deal for me. 27, however was a bid deal, as its when I became aware of how close 30 actually was. The big milestone itself, however, wasn’t the earth shattering thing I had thought it would be.

    1. My 28th birthday was when I realized how close I was to being 30. I don’t think 29 was even on my radar… where on earth did that year go? I don’t feel any different on this first day of being 30… except that maybe I’m thinking about what 40 is going to look like. Eeks!

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