While you’re in pain, it’s easy to forget a time when your life didn’t consist of anything else. When you’re in emotional pain, it’s really hard to focus on anything else. There are things you can do to survive, to make it through each and every moment – moment by moment – every day. People will call you brave. People will call you give you all sorts of positive encouragement because they think it helps. It does help, but nothing takes the pain away.
The only thing that helps is time. And no matter how many times you’ve been through pain, you don’t become immune and the pain doesn’t get any easier to get over.
[I’m going to interrupt myself for a second because as I’m writing this I’m continually hearing a voice in my head telling me how dramatic I am1. Yes, it’s something a real person has repeatedly said to me.2. I’m airing it out because I can’t concentrate on what I want to say].
Now that the pain is beginning to fade3, I’m grateful because I’ve survived through most of the worst of the pain without the aid of the usual vices and for the first time in my life I feel like I’m able to properly reflect on all the things that went wrong and really learn from them. I’m aware that I’m not out of the woods yet. The pain has begun to fade but the grey area I’m in means I could have a relapse at any minute.
After a good weekend like this past one, a relaxing week before that, and an amazing week working for Canadian Music Week before that… it’s nice to look forward to a time when I can hold said pain the palm of my hand4, and look at it fondly, as it’s all I’ll have left of what happened. At least, after months of trying it appears to me that it will be all I’ll have left. I’d explain further, but that would require talking about things that aren’t mine to talk about so I won’t. Maybe I’m wrong, but when it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck… it rarely ever is anything but a duck, right? Hmm.
Here’s to looking forward to an amazing summer filled with awesome friends, and adventures 🙂