I’ve been at home sick for the last three days and thanks to the internet I’ve been able to connect with people. You’ve all made me feel comforted, and certainly less alone than I would have been if I only had John Mayer and my TV shows to keep me company. In particular there has been one person who I have connected with on many different levels… and it is1 intoxicating. I’ve tried refraining from writing about it for various reasons,2 but it has become increasingly difficult.
I can’t say that I remember ever feeling this connected to someone. I can’t say I ever remember being this honest with someone, even with things that could potentially hurt him or his ego. But I have been, and I only wish I could be that honest with everyone. The truth is that we always try to protect people we care about. I think that there is a fine line between wanting to protect our image of ourselves in someone’s eyes and wanting to protect them from becoming hurt by something that we did, by our truths.
It’s strange to feel this connected to someone and still find myself not falling head over heels in love with him3. It’s a nice change of pace from my typical behaviour. Despite having a ‘fragile’ heart, I used to fall in love quite easily… always jumping in head first4. I’m finding myself with a lot of sure footing and even a firm handle on the rails. In the short time I’ve known him, he has become a good friend who I feel lucky to have met and gotten to know5.
The connections I’ve made, the connection I’ve made with him have me sitting here writing instead of tackling the huge to-do list I’ve made myself because I want more. I want to hear more, to read more and to absorb more from you all. I love people and the imperfections that make us all so unique.
I only hope that my writing about my new friend doesn’t scare someone else away. I’m trying something new in the 28th year in my life, and I do hope that the new people I’ve met can come along for the journey6: honesty. I don’t want to hide things just to spare someone’s feelings anymore. This doesn’t mean I’m going to be brash; I will still be respectful of people but I want to find ways to be honest about how I’m feeling regardless of the reaction that I think I’m going to get. And that, by far is the best lesson my new friend has taught me.
Writing about connecting and moving on to honesty may seem like a tangent to some, but I think that honesty is so necessary to connect with someone. Being honest with yourself is the first thing one needs to work on, before you can be honest with anyone else. If there’s anything I’ve learnt in 2009, it’s that. I may have only turned 28 a couple of weeks ago… but I can already tell this is going to be a huge year in my life.
I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy to be honest from here on out. I’m saying I’m going to try my best.
How do you feel about connecting, and being honest with people?
- I keep using this word with him, but it really is the most appropriate [↩]
- most of which have to do with other members of the opposite sex [↩]
- mind you I’m dangerously teetering over that line… it’s even fun to tug at [↩]
- This could explain why the heart is so fragile in the first place, huh? [↩]
- So much so, that I couldn’t resist writing about him [↩]
- as well as those who have been on so far – thank you btw, I love you all [↩]