Drifting: does it always feel as good as it feels bad?

My dear friend and fellow blogger Erica of Fiveblondes.com, shared something really personal the other day and it got me thinking about the times I’ve done something similar to someone else. Granted if it was someone I was that1 close to, I would have been more honest… but that’s me. The thing is that I’m guilty of drifting… and sometimes2 out right ignoring the other person and sometimes… even totally out of the blue3.

I was living in Dublin and about to come home for a dear friend’s4 wedding. Maria5 started emailing me… about a textbook I borrowed from her the spring before, our last exam season together.  I wasn’t going to be in town for very long and I had a lot that I wanted to accomplish while I was here6 and her asking me for this text book really irked me7. I still don’t know why, because it’s not a complicated request… in fact it was a very simple request but I guess it was the simplicity of the request combined with the limited time I had that didn’t sit too well with me.

Perhaps too it was because she didn’t ask me if I wanted to meet up for drinks or any other social gathering… no, she asked me to bring the textbook to the wedding. To. The. Wedding. A wedding that was not taking place in Toronto. A wedding where I will be wearing something that can’t really get accessorized by a textbook.

Now, bless my Mum for playing along with this but I asked her to mail the textbook to Maria or at least try and organise it so that Maria could pick up the text from my Mum’s office8 so that I wouldn’t have to give her to textbook at the wedding. I don’t remember what actually happened, but I know she got it in the end.

At the wedding, I was polite as we shared a table with about 6 other people and our dates9 but I didn’t need to focus on trying not to talk to her because the rest of the table was just so much fun and the two of them just sat there like zombies, with barely a smile on their faces10.

After the wedding, I remember getting an email from her asking me what happened to us. It went on to talk about how we used to be so close and etc. I never replied to the email but it is still in my archives… I’m not sure I ever will really. And the sad thing is that I don’t really feel like there’s been anything missing in my life since she’s been gone from it.

Now, even though you’re my brain twin, I feel the need to specify this: Erica, I don’t think this story is similar to yours because honestly if you were gone from my life I know for sure there would be something missing – and I can only imagine that feeling is mutual for anyone who has met you.. because let’s face it, you’re freakin’ awesome. You see Maria unfortunately wasn’t so awesome… in fact, she was extremely negative. And who needs that in their life right? I wasn’t trying to find an explanation for why that girl11 essentially shunned you like she did but if I had to guess, it would be because she simply went insane. The end12.

Imagine you’re in an inflatable raft without oars at sea. You start out near the shore and slowly, but surely you start drifting farther and farther away from it. If you ignore your qualms, drifting starts to feel good – almost freeing… but there’s always that nagging voice at the back of your head that makes the drifting feel not-so-good. I feel like this good-bad feeling combo also applies to when you’re drifting apart from someone you either used to care about a lot or just used to spend a lot of time with. Of course the good to bad ratio varies depending on how much you cared about said person in the first place.

So what I want to know is this, have you ever been in a situation where drifting apart13 hasn’t felt good and bad at the same time?

  1. as in as close as Eri was to that girl – no she doesn’t get a name in my story []
  2. ok, maybe just one time []
  3. seemingly, to the other person []
  4. who I haven’t seen in over two years actually… perhaps this can be partially explained by this post… hm… []
  5. name has been changed to protect… her []
  6. and by accomplish, I mean drink []
  7. read: annoyed the fuck outta []
  8. which is at our University []
  9. I brought my not-so little brother, she brought her bf who I’m pretty sure she’s still with []
  10. did I mention it was a wedding-and-therefore-a-happy-occasion-I-thought-so []
  11. yeah, still no name for her on my blog []
  12. well, not really the end, there’s more… see below []
  13. whether intentional or not []

responses to “Drifting: does it always feel as good as it feels bad?” 7

  1. Yes, I feel the same way about it. It feels both good and bad. I started drifting away from just once I graduated from school. It felt bad to be leaving people, but good in the sense that I felt like I was finally growing up and making a life for myself. Drifting seems like a necessary part of the process.
    .-= Ben´s last blog ..Ecclesiastes Study — Everything Beautiful =-.

  2. @LucyAnnabel If my circle of friends were the same as when I was 10 years old, I might already be married with kids but extremely unhappy. LOL So, no I would definitely not be the same person as I was back then. 🙂 Thanks for the support and thanks too for sharing your story! Sorry you had to go through such crap!

    @Kate: I think the people I was friends with from University are the ones I miss the most in the sea of people I’ve drifted apart from (excuse the pun), but I guess considering we didn’t really get close till the last year of school I can’t really blame them.

    @Penny: I miss you, and your writing. I hope you’re able to get back into it soon! I feel like we’re drifting!

    @Ayprel: Wow. Were you out right dumped or did she slowly just stop accepting your invites?

    @Øyvind: I know what you mean that sometimes you meet up with them again and it becomes evident why you lost touch in the first place. Only once have I actually gotten back in touch with someone and we both felt really stupid for allowing the other to drift apart in the first place. I’m grateful we’re getting a 2nd chance 🙂 I hope you get yours!

  3. I have to admit that I had to read your question a few times. 🙂 I have lost contact with lots of friends. Quite a while ago I went to facebook hoping to fix things but it didn’t. We found each other there but we only exchanged a few sentences; “how are you? What are you doing”. “oh ok”. 🙂 Then I thought, ok maybe it was meant to be, that we drifted apart. Everyone I know spend time on their own families like I do, I know how it is so I kind of accept the way things goes. There are a few friends though I miss a lot and I hate that we’ve lost contact. I plan to regain contact one by one, first one up is this Saturday. Football match and a few beers. I kind of cringe in shame when I receive sms’es from them “are you alive?”..
    .-= Øyvind´s last blog ..Tourist in my own city =-.

  4. I understand why it feels both good and bad. I’m feeling it a lot now. It’s very confusing, and I get the nagging feeling a lot. I think it’s natural. Sometimes the drifting doesn’t always start or end properly, but that’s life!

  5. Drifting apart is a weird, confusing but totally necessary thing. Imagine your circle of friends was the same as it were when you were 10 years old…you wouldn’t be who you are now, right?

    My experience is probably not the same as everyone else’s because until now I’ve been a complete pushover. 3 times I’ve got close to friends, they’ve been able to control me and as soon as I start to resist it shocks them and they go off the rails. It was never so much ‘drifting’ but being torpedoed apart! Each time I felt horribly guilty, but in hindsight (aided by a bit of counseling) I can see I should’ve felt 100% glad.

    I think friends drifting apart is always harder on one person than the other, but ultimately if it happened then it had to happen and things would’ve gotten ugly if it didn’t. You were right to move away from a negative friend because friends should make each other feel a million dollars and nothing more. End of!

    .-= @LucyAnnabel´s last blog ..Revolutionising Childhood Cognition (article) =-.

  6. Aww what a nice post to write for Erica.

    I totally get you on the drifting thing, I find that I am drifting away from friends as I am now 2 years out of university, we all moved back home and now I’m finding it harder to keep in touch then I originally thought. And I’m finding that it makes me sad that I am so bad at keeping in touch.

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