Reflections of a fragile heart

I suppose its a bit ironic that I picked the name fragileheart and that it has stuck for so long, because in actuality I’m not that fragile at all. Sure, I get emotional but I’m not, and never will be, weak1. I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be. Perfect is boring. Making mistakes makes life exciting, though that doesn’t mean I make them on purpose.

I try to live my life without regrets… as soon as I realise there is something in my life that I regret, I would prefer to do something to rectify it – even if it feels like its too late. I wasn’t always this way though. I had to learn and change my attitude before I could even begin to embrace this outlook.

There are still so many things I want to work on about myself, but I feel blessed to have gotten to where I am2 at 27. I know I could have probably gotten here sooner if I wasn’t such a spoilt brat of a teen, but I don’t regret it at all. I’ve enjoyed my life thus far. I’m not rich, but I feel so lucky to have lived the life I have lived. And of course, I have my parents to thank for that.

I wouldn’t be half the person I am if it weren’t for my parents. We aren’t close in the sense that I tell my parents everything3, but we’re close in that we do a lot of things together and we enjoy each other’s company. Having been in the kind of relationship with them where I hated them and they saw me as a nuisance, I am able to appreciate what we share now.

I’m also grateful for having such a bad history with boyfriends, because if it weren’t for those relationships4 I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the amazing connection and relationship that I share with him. I also wouldn’t be able to know what it feels like when I’m on the giving end of the kind of behaviour that spells, ‘taking someone for granted’. I’m so lucky to have someone as strong5, talented, brilliant, loving and loyal man in my life… and best yet, to call him mine!

As for the things I have to work on… believe it or not, I am horrible at keeping in touch with people. I know, I know… I’m on the internet so much, how could I be bad at keeping in touch with people? Easy, they don’t blog! I’m on the internet blog surfing, for the most part, so unless you have a blog – you probably won’t hear from me. You would think that sending an email is easy enough, but apparently… it is not.

A few other things I have to work on but that I won’t get into: money management, exercising, and doing what I say I’m going to do6! I’m sure there are many more7 things, but this is all I can think of right now!

My heart may have been fragile once, but its stronger than ever now.

Thanks to everyone who gave me such warm well wishes on my birthday, you guys have no idea how positive of an impact you all make on my life and I love you all for it!

How do you grow?

  1. I don’t like tooting my own horn but I feel that an important part of blogging for me is reflecting on myself and being honest with who I am []
  2. even if I don’t have a ‘career’ to call my own yet []
  3. I have a friend who tells her parents all her boy troubles, I don’t do that []
  4. or lack thereofs []
  5. in every sense of the word []
  6. or just don’t say you’re going to to do something unless its already in the works []
  7. smaller []

responses to “Reflections of a fragile heart” 17

  1. I’m not good in keeping in touch with my friends too. When I have the time to on my MSN, they would ask,”why do you seldom online?” Well, I do online quite often but I seldom turn on the MSN. And I so wish to tell them to read my blog whenever they ask about my life. I just hate to say the same thing over and over again. 😛

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  2. @Michael: hehe It was me once upon a time. Stop getting me excited for 2.7!!

    @Monica: Thank you for being here for me to share with you! Glad to hear you’re the same 🙂 hugs x3 right back at ya!

    @Penny: Thanks 🙂 I see a lot of myself when I was younger in you. Though I feel you’re more level-headed than I was LOL If you could read my older posts, you’ll find me a much more whiny person than I am now! lol

    @Ken: Dear Ken 🙂 I don’t always understand the words that you say but I always know where it comes from lol What wheel are you on about?!

  3. Great post Reg. I admire the way you can look back and try to change things you regret when it feels too late – I want to be more like that. But as you know, I’m also learning and changing every day 🙂 it’s great to enjoy the company of your parents. When you don’t have your boyfriend around and you start to see your friends less than you used to it is a very important thing! I’m glad you don’t have a fragile heart anymore…

  4. As usual, so very well said. Thank you for sharing with us.

    When we look back realize everything we’ve been through has made us this perfect person we are today (yes, even flaws are perfect) I personally become so greatful!

    Hugs hugs hugs!


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  5. I always wonder why you “nicknamed” yourself fragile heart 😀 It’s good to know that it’s not the real you

    Ps: Man, I’m gonna miss doing that “@..” thing on the comments! Love WordPress 2.7 with its threaded comments 😀

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  6. @trench: I know right? I’m much happier with the person I’ve become now. And I agree, it defintely comes with age!

    @Veronica: I agree, growing is not something you can force. You just need to let time do its job. I hope you’re able to tackle everything you need to as well.

    @Debbie: Thanks so much. I really means a lot to me to hear you say that. I’m glad its hard for you to imagine me as a spoiled brat because its very fresh in my mind. But I like that its fresh in my mind because it helps me know how *not* to act.

    @Lyndi: hehe Perfect is boring! Even though I’m a perfectionist with everything I do – lol guess it only applies to perfect people. I’m sorry to hear that your parents and you don’t get along all the time. My parents and I still fight, I think we’re all making a conscious effort to try and keep the peace… but I know its not as easy as all that. I hope it can happen for you guys one day.

    @Erica: That is a great outlook as well. I need to do a bit more of that though I find I don’t usually shy away from things that scare me. Except horror movies.

    @Lisa: Awh its ok! Its the thought that counts!

    @Haley: At least your friends check your blog to find out what you’re up to. Though some of them do say they do and just don’t comment. LOL I can see their point about having to check something ‘impersonal’ like a blog to catch up.

    And even though we (bloggers) might not see a blog as impersonal, there are still many out there who find it hard to understand how personal it can be.

    Thanks again for the birthday wishes; you *did* wish me! hehe

    @Michael: Thanks, and I agree!

    @B: You snuck in there while I was replying to comments. hehe Thanks 🙂 its nice to have honesty appreciated!

  7. You’re matured enough to reflect on your life and not take it for granted. Some people are so immature no matter how old they get.

  8. Birthday are great excuses for self reflection and goal setting.

    I know exactly what you mean about keeping in touch with people. Some of my friends regularly read my blog and know what I’m up to, others get annoyed that they have to go to something as impersonal as a blog to find news.

    Happy Belated Birthday. Even though I’m pretty sure I already wished you a Happy Birthday, I figure I can’t say it too many times. 🙂

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  9. Aw crap, when was your birthday?! HAPPY BELATED!!

    I’m trying to work on the same things… and yes, it’s so true that all those rocky relationships we go through in life only make us stronger. 🙂

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  10. What a nice, honest article. I love the bit you mentioned near the beginning – “Perfect is boring”.

    I envy you for the relationship you have with your parents. My folks and I try, but things do not always work out.

    That man in your life also sounds interesting. I hope he knows how lucky he is.

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  11. It is hard to imagine you as a spoiled brat. Part of life is the teen age separation of identity from our parents. You are an amazing young woman today.

    Debbie Lanes latest..Veterans Day

  12. The past few years have been a real eye opener for me. I really learned what I was made of, and the things in life that are still left in store for me.

    I’ve been doing alot of growing this year, and Still have lots of stuff that I want to tackle, just got to wait for the right time.

    I don’t think growing is something that you can do, I think it’s just something that happens naturally as we learn to make better choices for ourselves.

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  13. You have certainly come a long way from when we first met on the web way way back where I can’t even remember.

    I’m glad things are turning around for you. It all comes with AGE! 😉

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