When your mind races like mine does – like a broken record – you have to revel in the days when it takes a rest. I look inside myself and marvel at the absence of the giant knot in my stomach, take an enormous breath in as slow as I possibly can, filling in every nook and cranny of my being and exhale just as slow.
Most days I can use tools I’ve learned through books I’ve read and listened to, the yoga classes I’ve attended or meditation. And sometimes, there is nothing I can do but cry it out. Sometimes a 15 minute cry will last me weeks, and sometimes it only lasts some hours. I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to remain at peace at all times.
Maybe that’s part of the problem. I’m trying too hard.
I can’t write anymore today. My mind is quiet, and if I write anymore I’m worried it’ll run away from me again.