Discipline

There is a running theme in my life these days. One that has me making an effort when I simply don’t want to. It takes discipline, and it takes humility and I am trying my best. I’ve never been good at either1 but they’re lessons I desperately need to learn if I’m ever going to succeed in getting the career I want. In this way, I’m a late bloomer because I should’ve learnt these lessons long before I finished University but it’s just not the way it has gone. I’m ok with it.

I think that making an effort in a professional capacity is easier. It’s easier than doing so in your personal life2, because when you’re making this effort – that you don’t want to make – for someone else, you feel forced; trapped; and in great danger of becoming resentful. It’s become important to remember the sacrifices that the other person has made for you and realize that they didn’t ‘put’ you in this position out of spite and so you shouldn’t feel any3.

I’m writing about this vaguely because I simply can’t write about it openly. A wise woman said to me this weekend that you have to write with the one person you don’t want reading what you’ve written in mind, so that is what I’m doing. I need to write about it, but I also know how they feel about when I write about things in the open – so as part of my effort making, I’m writing in the vague and hoping that it is enough of a compromise.

How often do you have to make an effort to do something even though you simply don’t want to?

  1. can you say spoiled? I can! []
  2. and therefore for someone else []
  3. spite []

Change

This summer is going to be about change. No matter how we try and fight it. Our lives will never be the same, just like they haven’t been the same since last summer ended. It’s be a fantastic ride but we knew that being our last year, they’d never be the same again. I think each time we went out, we knew and subtly we treasured each moment we shared. I know I will treasure each moment as the summer continues and each of us moves on, almost one by one, to our new paths.

Kelly1 is leaving in 9 days. I’m sad again.

  1. name has been changed to protect the innocent []