The volume’s down, blue lights are dancing around, and still, I can’t seem to find, the quiet inside my mind

[Title stolen off of John Mayer’s “Quiet” because he’s awesomesauce]

Sometimes when you’re afraid of being alone with your thoughts, that’s exactly where you need to be. Camping this weekend really helped me find a bit of peace. I didn’t write as much as I thought I was going to, but I did let my thoughts just run their course. There were a lot of happy and grateful moments in which I thought about my awesome family and friends. There were a lot of sad moments in which I thought about the loves I’ve had and lost, and the ones that are currently in apparent limbo. There were some fear-filled moments in which I thought about work and what-I-want-to-do-with-my-god-damned-life. There were bliss-filled moments in which I didn’t give a flying fuck about anything because I was sun tanning on a rock in the middle of lake with nothing to stare at but beautiful clouds, trees and the occasional bird that would fly overhead.

Being able to get to the point where I didn’t care that I had gotten bit by however many mosquitoes, nor the fact that I’m going to have to walk around with a bandage on my left knee for a little while is a wonderful feeling. It’s the kind of don’t-give-a-fuckery that can only come from being out in something so beautiful as mother nature, rain et al. And when I got home, I was delighted to find a quote, in a Newsletter from Swissmiss, from an article that summed up exactly why I was filled with such Zen. I posted it to facebook and the article itself has been shared around quite a bit so you may have already seen it, but I’m in a repetitive mood, perhaps because I spent all weekend with my Mum who tends to like things on repeat. Who can blame her; when something is good, wouldn’t you want to do it over and over again? 😉

“Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done.”

New York Times Article: The ‘Busy’ Trap, by Tim Kreider

Even before we went camping, I was thinking that now more than ever I need to schedule more down time for myself. For a while I gave in to the advice of saying yes because saying yes brought amazing things to my life. Those things can only stay amazing if you give yourself the time to appreciate them, however. I wasn’t doing that enough. I’m going to try. It’s the best I can do 🙂 Ever.

How do you decide when it’s time to take some time for yourself?