Connecting is addictive

I’ve been at home sick for the last three days and thanks to the internet I’ve been able to connect with people. You’ve all made me feel comforted, and certainly less alone than I would have been if I only had John Mayer and my TV shows to keep me company. In particular there has been one person who I have connected with on many different levels… and it is1 intoxicating. I’ve tried refraining from writing about it for various reasons,2 but it has become increasingly difficult.

I can’t say that I remember ever feeling this connected to someone. I can’t say I ever remember being this honest with someone, even with things that could potentially hurt him or his ego. But I have been, and I only wish I could be that honest with everyone. The truth is that we always try to protect people we care about. I think that there is a fine line between wanting to protect our image of ourselves in someone’s eyes and wanting to protect them from becoming hurt by something that we did, by our truths.

It’s strange to feel this connected to someone and still find myself not falling head over heels in love with him3. It’s a nice change of pace from my typical behaviour. Despite having a ‘fragile’ heart, I used to fall in love quite easily… always jumping in head first4. I’m finding myself with a lot of sure footing and even a firm handle on the rails. In the short time I’ve known him, he has become a good friend who I feel lucky to have met and gotten to know5.

The connections I’ve made, the connection I’ve made with him have me sitting here writing instead of tackling the huge to-do list I’ve made myself because I want more. I want to hear more, to read more and to absorb more from you all. I love people and the imperfections that make us all so unique.

I only hope that my writing about my new friend doesn’t scare someone else away. I’m trying something new in the 28th year in my life, and I do hope that the new people I’ve met can come along for the journey6: honesty. I don’t want to hide things just to spare someone’s feelings anymore. This doesn’t mean I’m going to be brash; I will still be respectful of people but I want to find ways to be honest about how I’m feeling regardless of the reaction that I think I’m going to get. And that, by far is the best lesson my new friend has taught me.

Writing about connecting and moving on to honesty may seem like a tangent to some, but I think that honesty is so necessary to connect with someone. Being honest with yourself is the first thing one needs to work on, before you can be honest with anyone else. If there’s anything I’ve learnt in 2009, it’s that. I may have only turned 28 a couple of weeks ago… but I can already tell this is going to be a huge year in my life.

I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy to be honest from here on out. I’m saying I’m going to try my best.

How do you feel about connecting, and being honest with people?

  1. I keep using this word with him, but it really is the most appropriate []
  2. most of which have to do with other members of the opposite sex []
  3. mind you I’m dangerously teetering over that line… it’s even fun to tug at []
  4. This could explain why the heart is so fragile in the first place, huh? []
  5. So much so, that I couldn’t resist writing about him []
  6. as well as those who have been on so far – thank you btw, I love you all []

de Quervain’s tenosynovitis and some wheezing

De who in de what now?

Back in April when I was still working at the hotel restaurant, I started noticing that my wrist would get quiet sore doing certain acitivities. Around this same time, my allergies had started acting up so back that I was coughing a lot and wheezing. I was ordered to see my doctor.

I think it all started when I started to get a pain in my left shoulder when I would stretch to reach something far away. I swore so as my doctor performed the Finkelstein test to reveal to me that my wrist was suffering from de Quervain’s tenosynovitis. But what can you expect when I only started treatment about 6 weeks after it started hurting. I’m sure it had something to do with having to carry heavy plates and trays at the hotel restaurant job, but I had been carrying heavy things from plates to cases of beer for years so why should it start hurting now?

“Because you’re getting older and you took a year out doing office work…” was the realisation I had while I was on holidays a couple weeks ago. Then I wondered if I would ever get to bartend again… it is after all my favourite job in the whole wide world. I would do it forever if I felt I could survive living like an irresponsible teenager/night owl for the rest of my life. This ‘condition’ is part of the reason I’m trying to change careers… but only part. It still hurts if I grab the phone or even the steering wheel the wrong way so it’s not like this kind of work is much better but it’s certainly easier on my wrist than bartending.

It did help me with a cool costume one day though when a couple of friends of mine had a summer-sublet-house-warming medical themed costume party, so it’s not all bad. And it’s always a good for getting some sympathy when I wrap the stretchy bandage stuff around my wrist (to prevent moving my thumb).

Oh right, the wheezing, my doctor gave me some asthma medicine for the wheezing but I found out it actaully made things worse… so I stopped taking it. I’m just taking regular non-drowsy antihistimines instead.

The not so big 25

It felt like every other day. I woke up early to get to the Doctor’s, where he told me that I have a viral infection and should stay home and get plenty of rest to allow my body to develop enough antibodies to fight the virus. After the doctor’s I went home and made some yummy breakfast consisting of a mini grilled cheese sandwich, rashers (back bacon) and an egg done sunny side up. I followed up the yummy breakfast with some quality time with Lisa at Starbucks for some Toffee Nut Lattes, and some shopping.

Then I got back home and started to get ready for my dinner date with the boy. Dinner was absolutely delicious, though I was disappointed that I looked over dressed standing beside him. Though in the restaurant, he was the one that looked under dressed. But I suppose I can’t blame him, his Mum recently ruined his black jeans. I know, “Doesn’t he own dress pants?” Yeah, he does… but he has to wear dress pants everyday at work. Anyway… the day ended and I was left feeling like something was missing from the celebrations for my so called ‘big day’. And I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I put too much importance on birthdays.