The Spark

I’m not ashamed to admit this but I’ve been watching a lot of Dawson’s Creek1ย reruns lately, and its gotten me thinking about relationships. Mostly about how they begin and the crazy mix of feelings that goes along with it. I have my own relationship issues right now and it was actually refreshing to watch people go through something I know I won’t have to again2. But it did make me remember when things started between the boy and I.

I was just finishing my 2nd year of University and trying to end a relationship I had been stuck in for a year and a half. The total length of the relationship was 3 years by the time it was over but I had been unhappy for half of it and didn’t have the heart to break it off with him completely. Everytime he begged me to stay and try to make it work, I would give in because I did love him and he was a very sweet man – but I was no longer in love with him3.

Jon4 had asked us all to meet on the mothership5 for our first meeting as management for the summer. I was excited and also a bit cold. I had never seen him before, and to be honest I was still infatuated with another boy I had met the summer before; one of the bartenders at work who I’ll be calling Dixie6 who I shared a stolen kiss with at the Christmas staff party a few months earlier.

To start the summer off right, the managers were in charge of getting the boats set up for the summer. Making sure all the boats were amply stocked with dry goods, liquor and linens. This meant plenty of cold, early mornings down by the harbourfront; one of the first conversations I can remember having with him was about our love lives as we sat on the grass and enjoyed the Toronto spring sunshine. I didn’t think anything of him, except that I was really comfortable with him and that I loved his accent7.

I’ll be honest and say that I don’t think I admitted to myself that there was a spark between us until someone told me how much he liked me, and how great of guy he was. I must have been scared of something if I was in denial about it for so long, because thinking back… I’m pretty sure he was right when he tells me that there was a spark between us the first time I touched his crotch accidentally as we were bartending on our favourite boat for that one shift.

And while I’m being honest, I should probably tell you that I was so in denial about my feelings for him that I actually went home with Dixie the first night that we kissed. In my defense, it was the summer and I was under the impression that I was a summer fling. So I adjusted my own feelings and acted accordingly. Apparently, I assumed wrong.

As you can seeย our relationship has been pretty complicated from the start! Here’s hoping this new beginning goes more smoothly than the last two ๐Ÿ˜‰

  1. mostly the Joey & Pacey episodes of course []
  2. at least I hope not []
  3. thinking back, I’m not sure I ever was []
  4. name has been changed to protect the innocent []
  5. our largest boat in a fleet of 7, name has been kept private to uh… I don’t know []
  6. name has *obviously* been changed to protect the innocent []
  7. ah that damn accent []