When all you feel is blue

Sometimes you just have to force yourself to leave the house. Sometimes forcing yourself to do things you would really rather not be doing is the one thing that can make you feel better. Even if ‘feeling better’ only really means that you’re ignoring the problem; as long as it puts a smile on your face, I think it’s acceptable.

I have found myself in an interesting situation and I don’t know what to do. I was in hibernation over the holidays, mostly because of all this and partially because I felt the need to disconnect. Of course I didn’t disconnect completely; I still visited sites and answered tweets or messages that I got (for the most part) but I didn’t post anything. I barely even read what others had to say.

I had so much going on in my head1 that I just couldn’t take anymore information. But once I woke up on Monday, it was like a huge cloud had been lifted and I began to see things with some clarity. Though it has gotten easier to deal with things, I still feel empty in the mornings. I’m sure it’ll get easier to deal with too, but I’m not sure I want to. Sometimes, I’m not sure it’s worth it.

This weekend, even though I was really not in the mood, I decided to make plans with people. Including going over to my parents’ place on Friday night. What a fun night that turned out to be. We had just finished dinner and I had the urge to play board games but they only had Bingo… so we played. Such fun! I even won $3!

When that was done, I noticed we were all still lingering around the dinner table so I suggested we play rockband in my brother’s room in the basement. They were apprehensive at first, and when we started to play my Dad was having trouble with the drums but he persevered2 and came out doing quite well! We played until 1am!

I got home and didn’t feel empty when I looked at my bed for once, and that can only be a good thing. Even if I was only temporarily distracted from my feelings.

How do you deal with negative feelings? Do you face them head on or ignore them?

  1. I still do []
  2. making me love him even more []

Manic Wednesday?

Driving by

At least that’s what yesterday felt like. It was a long weekend for many in North America. Extra long for me as I took Tuesday off after the holiday Monday. I’m suffering from heavy eyes, a sore neck and sore knees. That’ll teach me to party like I’m still 19. But what fun! I’ve missed having him around and I didn’t even realise just how much I’ve missed him. I mean I knew I missed him but until we got to hang out again… I remembered just how much fun we have together.

We started off the weekend apart; he went to meet with his soccer boys on Friday night and I went out on a night on the town with a girlfriend. Cathy1 and I had a great time and it made me wish we had done it more often this summer. But I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time for that.

Saturday started off a pretty late surprise2 breakfast but we made it down to Niagara Falls in time for a moist walk around and a decent lunch. On the way back from Niagara we stopped off in Hamilton to meet up with Matt3 and hang out with some of his friends. We were meant to go out in Hess4 but I was too tired and wanted to go home – I’m not normally selfish but since I was driving us back, I was entitled to be a bit selfish.

We had planned to go watch the Yankees v the Blue Jays on Sunday, but as it turns out he read the schedule incorrectly. They were playing at Yankee stadium and not The Skydome5 so we just headed on down to the harbourfront to redeem our free harbour tour as offered by an old co-worker of ours. After our wonderful catch-up session on Lake Ontario, we headed on down to Harbour Sports Grille6 for a nostalgic lunch. We headed home to have a nap and some ‘pre-drinks’ before the big party at the Guvernment7. The party was amazing, but I can’t do that as often as I used to.

Monday was a bit of a write-off, I did some housekeeping while he lazed around the house. We slept intermittently. I went to my parents house to drop off some laundry and other things I knew I wouldn’t need for the rest of our stay here. We knew we wanted to reserve our energy for Tuesday.

We woke up early8 and headed down to the Outlet mall in Niagara. Luckily, they didn’t have that much great stuff so we didn’t end up spending a lot of money, but got enough that we didn’t feel like the trip was a waste. We then went off to visit sone wineries9. We got three wineries in, mostly because we didn’t get to do tours at each of them and then we headed off to meet my parents for dinner at our favourite Chinese restaurant in Toronto.

  1. name has been changed to protect the innocent []
  2. that he made for me []
  3. name has been changed to protect the innocent []
  4. the ‘party’ town in Hamilton []
  5. it’s now called The Rogers Centre, but let’s face it: it’ll always be The Skydome []
  6. aka Sol’s []
  7. I didn’t mis-spell, they did []
  8. earlier than he wanted to but I knew we’d take ages to actually get out of the house []
  9. which I hope to write a whole other post on []