Who are you? Who do think you are? Who do other people think you are? It’s all fine and dandy not to care what other people think of you but it isn’t always that easy. This is my 29th New Year’s celebration and there was no bang; no major transformation. And I like it; landmarks, milestones and special moments in life are better when they happen unexpectedly. I’m beginning to think that maybe I shouldn’t have put so much meaning into birthdays and New Years through the years – though I can’t quite pinpoint why I’m questioning something like that.
We do what’s right because we want to be good people1. Sometimes a person does something that isn’t right but necessary. Sometimes that person does what she can to hide it. As long as you learn from your mistakes, it makes it ok. Right. Learn. What if you don’t learn? Does it automatically make you a bad person? What if you try but you just can’t seem to get it right? What if you were incapable? I know it seems hard to imagine that someone would be incapable but there are psychological barriers that can prevent someone from seeing what’s right or seeing beyond what they want.
Forcing yourself to do something even when it’s out of character isn’t easy, but if you do it enough it’ll eventually become part of who you are. So try. Keep trying and allow yourself to make mistakes. If you allowed every mistake you made define you, it’d be a pretty horrible life. My heart is heavy with these thoughts2 which is why I have been silent. I imagine I will be silent for a little while longer because I am no where near done thinking. It takes 21 days to quit a habit. Just remember that.
Oh yeah. Happy New Year! May this mark the beginning of one of the best years and maybe even decade of your life.