It’s the only direction I’m interested in going. Except this weekend, I apparently needed to wallow in the past and miss some things that I am living without1; things that I have been quite happy living without for a while now.
I’m welcoming the sadness. After all, I’ve been pretty lucky. I spent the entire holiday season barely feeling any of it. I do wish I knew what brought it on, but for now I’ll have to settle for at least being able to be grateful that I still get to feel things at all.
I remember feeling this way far too often in the last three to four years of horrible romantic relationship luck. It used to be accompanied by feelings of inferiority, failure and incredible anxiety. Always a party when those guys get together. This is different… but if you’ll excuse me I’m still going to go wallow for as long as I need to.
And then I’ll get back to the whole looking, moving and grooving forward.
- honestly, too many to get into[↩]