Finding the silver lining in 2012

I’ll just come right out and say it: this wasn’t a good year for me. In fact, I could probably go so far as to say that life hasn’t been good since November 2011. There were definitely bright sides; those things that kept me going and gave me hope for the future. Mostly lovers (albeit brief were their appearances in my life), friends and my family.

“People are people”, a good friend said to me when I complained to a friend about something that annoyed me holiday season. People are people. You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them. I’ve seen many people come and go in my life this year. More people have left than I really care to think about; mostly because it always makes me sad to think that someone is no longer in my life but Que Sera Sera.

I think it’s fitting that as 2012 comes to a close I’ve been moping around at home, feeling sorry for myself because my body is full of aches and pains from whatever flu virus has infected me. As the day wears on, of course I’m starting to feel better and I may actually go out tonight but we’ll see. One step at a time. I’m going to take a nap first, then have a hot shower, then make turkey congee for dinner. If I still have energy, I’ll get dressed and celebrate the fact that this wretched year is over. If I don’t have the energy, I’ll stay home, put on a few movies and celebrate the fact that this wretched year is over.

Regardless of what I do, I want to say thanks to everyone who has been in touch and has been asking about my plans for NYE. I may not get to see you, but it isn’t because I don’t want to. You mean the world to me; you made it possible for me to survive this year and I don’t want to imagine my life without you.

Happy New Year <3

Happy Birthday my loves <3

Jackie and I were partners in crime at Victoria Park Secondary School way back when… when I look back on my favourite vacations she is always there. I have two: One when I went to visit her in LA and when I went to visit her in Holbox, Mexico. Jackie, you are my soul mate and I wouldn’t have it any other way (except maybe I wish we could be physically closer to each other for a larger chunk of each year but one day… right?)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE!

Albert and I got tattoos together in 2005 and we haven’t looked back. I wasn’t sure whether you wanted to be displayed in public so I picked a photo that hid most of yer face πŸ™‚ But know that I am not ashamed to call you my friend because you’re one of the best friends I could have ever asked for. I’m happy you and Barb are in my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR! πŸ˜‰

Gratitude

I’m so incredibly grateful for so much in my life and I hope I say it enough to those that I should be saying it to:


The girls and I at #loserkaraoke before Tequila Sunrise closed down.

He’s a talented man.

  • I have my Mum, Dad and brother living in the same city as I am and that we don’t hate each other so much that we can’t stand to be around each other. I’m grateful that we still get on each other’s nerves sometimes because it just means we still care.
  • Priceless friends like Jackie and Sibel who don’t live anywhere near me but always seem to message me exactly when I just need to hear from someone who cares. I’m grateful for the unwavering love and lack of judgement I receive from you two.
  • On that note, I’m also grateful for Christine, Ashley, Noor, Dave , Affan and Heather. Heather’s also not nearby1 but she definitely falls under the category of great friend.
  • There is one more friend but I’m not sure I should be writing about that person so I’m going to leave this a mystery and you can just take my word for it that the gratitude is there.
  • A job where I am inspired every day to do my best and be accepted for who I am2) Colleagues and employers who are so different in many ways but have a mutual propensity for quality.
  • Re-discovering a mode of transportation that helps me keep my great ass3 in shape and makes me feel so free.
Wow, what dorks.
One of the best vacations of life.
Some friends are friends for life.
Why are my legs so white? Oh right, I don’t know how to buy stockings… Noor! Teach me?
I’m grateful for a lot of other things that would be awkward to say on a daily basis but it’s Thanksgiving so here we go:
  • My health problems aren’t as bad as they could be.
  • Apparently, I have this ability to avoid being traumatized by certain experiences… something I wouldn’t have discovered if I weren’t living in my current apartment that I am waiting to move out of. Granted I would have preferred that I didn’t discover this ability but it’s in the past so who-da-hey?!
  • The advantages I don’t think I would have if I weren’t considered so hot by people in general.
  • My hope.
  • Being able to apply logic to control emotional reactions4.
  • YOU reading this blog. You guys are nuts. This is all jibberish but thank you πŸ™‚
And if I don’t end this here, I’m going to be late for going to my parents house and the whole ‘we-get-along-really-well’ will go out the window.
What are you grateful for?
Footnotes:
  1. she’s in Ottawa[]
  2. “quirks” and all ;[]
  3. guess I’m grateful for that too[]
  4. that shit ain’t easy yo[]

A long day ends with some retrospection

You know, it has been one heck of a wild ride. I would be more specific but I am not sure I can see when said ride began anymore -it was that long of a ride1!

Two years ago a very big chapter of my life ended. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I’m not so sure that the last two years is something I could have predicted. What it comes down to is that I know I’m ready to try my hand at a monogamous relationship again. As a bonus I’m also now in a headspace where I don’t feel an urgent need to find it2.

The last guy3, was unexpectedly spectacular but in retrospect he had many personality traits that I was overlooking. I get why his gut feeling was telling him that we weren’t that compatible; to be honest I think he would have driven me crazier than he already did in the oh-so-brief-but-freaking-intense romance that we shared. It still stings a little to think about so I know I’m not ready to have him in my life just yet… I just hope that I actually can one day4.

Then there is the other one. The one who really shook me up two years ago; wanting to make friends… wanting to re-connect. I don’t think I’m ready and to be completely honest, I’m not so sure I will ever be. Yes, I am the type of person who can forgive and forget anything but there is a certain comfort level that I need to have with the people I keep close to meΒ ((What I’m trying not to say is that I simply need to be able to trust a person and I don’t think I can ever trust him again)).

Sigh. Boys5. I don’t even know what to say sometimes. Do you ever stop to think about what you’re saying to us women? I mean, if you were a father and some boy were saying the same things to your daughter -how would you feel? Enraged, I’m sure. Yet you don’t have a problem saying it to a girl you barely know or talk to? JUST because she’s nice and open minded? I’m pretty sure that is balls.

And I’m apartment hunting again. I really hope this is the last time for at least 2 years. After that I’m hoping any move I make is either to another city or… space? πŸ˜‰

Making the effort to talk to my parents daily and/or see them more often seems to be helping things despite my obliviousness to the fact that said things needed help.

I need more time to think… but I should also get some sleep. Meep.

Footnotes:
  1. Don’t get excited, I’m not about to tell you either…[]
  2. at least not anymore… though I can’t quite explain why so I’m tempted to think that I’m in denial about it but only time will tell[]
  3. who some of you know about[]
  4. and hopefully soon[]
  5. You can’t tell but I had to close my eyes and breathe for 15 seconds before I could continue writing[]