fragileheart's journal

Photo courtesy of Svetlana.

What does it mean to you? To me it means a time to remember all the ways you want to be a better person¹. In a way, Dec 1st² marks the beginning of a ‘New Year’. Christmas is about acceptance. Christmas is about respect. Christmas is about love and understanding. Even if you don’t feel like you’re getting a lot of any of these things. Because you should never give of anything of these things with the expectation that you will get any in return. Yes, it would be nice but if you only do something because you hope that you get it back in return then you’re doing it wrong. Do it because simply doing it makes YOU happy. And if it doesn’t? Well, shit son I haven’t a clue.

Last christmas³ was possibly one of the worst Christmasses I ever had to endure. It was a character building sort of period. And this year… I decided I would not let that happen. And the best way I know to get into the Christmas spirit is to bake. Now, it’s all well and good to bake for cookies but if I knew my motivation this year I knew I’d need a big push to get off my ass and actually bake cookies. I would have thrown a dinner party but my place is too small for that. I was going to throw a cocktail party but that’s been done. So I put a spin on it: Appetizers, Beverages and Cookies. You bring your own A & B and I’ll provide the C. And the Love will come naturally… and come it did⁴!

There was such a wonderful collection of people who attended that I can’t help but feel blessed to have such amazing people in my life. And before I leave you with the pictures, I’d just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who came out and filling my home with such love and cheer. Next time, let’s go paint-balling to balance things out ok?

Peekchures:

Photo courtesy of Dan

Photo courtesy of Lucy

Photo courtesy of Scotty

Photo courtesy of Chris

There may or may not be video evidence courtesy of Mr Sean Ward. Speaking of Mr Ward, did you know he’s putting on a great show on Monday December 20th⁵ – see the amazing flyer below for details! You can also click the flyer to go to the facebook event page!

Thanks again to the wonderful guests of #ABCme for giving me one of my favourite holiday memories to add to existing ones.

What are some of your favourite holiday memories?

Footnotes:

1. for life, not just one month[↩]
2. for me anyway[↩]
3. I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away…. this year, to save me from tears I’ll give it to someone special…[↩]
4. that’s what she said[↩]
5. *ahem* That I may or may not be performing in[↩]

It’s funny how you can form a bond with some people in a nano-second. Suddenly, there is this understanding; unspoken and raw. I met Christine Estima in March of this year when a dear mutual friend hosted an Oscar party. In all honesty, I was a little scared. She was animated, loud and also live-tweeting the show. I had seen it done but never in person. It was interesting to say the least¹. But despite that, there was something about her that drew me in; I’m certain it had something to do with mirrors in her eyes looking back at me. Over the last few months, we have shared many talks about many things² and today I got to witness her brilliant mind in action³.

We sat in the Rearview Mirror in Kensington waiting for the actors, script in hand, to start the reading of The Spadina Monologues. It was fitting that it was raining outside as the director broke the almost-silence with the opening lines. Over two dozen people came out to show their support and you could feel the love in the room. As I sat and listened to the banter that was difficult to separate from a conversation I imagine Christine to have with herself I couldn’t help but think about some of my own experiences.

These thoughts were further fueled by later conversation with vlogging superstar Sean Ward as we shot the shit after the show. I wish it were easier to explain how some people just feel comfortable, and some don’t. This lack of comfort doesn’t make either party any less of a person. But somehow it’s hard to express this to someone. It’s hard to say and it is hard to have someone say to you that they aren’t comfortable conversing with you. Beyond conversation, some people are just easy to be around -whether you spend most of the time in silence, simply enjoying their⁴ aura.

As the perfect example, some people have described me as being brash, blunt or curt⁵ while others have described me as being warm, caring and charming. I’m certain I’m all those things depending on the situation and those surrounding me. I don’t try extra hard to be anything⁶ but some people can bring out the worst in you. Some people bring out the best in you too. But don’t ever forget that it is a two way street -sometimes you can bring the worst out in someone, and sometimes you can bring out the best in someone. It doesn’t make you a bad person; just incompatible with that other person.

Having said all that, there are some people who are just evil -they do not fall under the category of person of which I have just written about. I may or may not write about them in the future.

Do I have a suggestion to fix this? Not yet. Maybe one day though. Maybe one day.

Footnotes:

1. Oh how different my view is now[↩]
2. yes, mostly mencapades[↩]
3. so to speak[↩]
4. for lack of a better word[↩]
5. no, that doesn’t say cunt though that word has sadly been used on me too[↩]
6. other than positive[↩]

I would love to write a more articulate piece but honestly, a girl needs sleep¹. So here goes nothin’:

• It felt great to stay at home and get some shit done.
• I wish I had more than 6 hours but it’ll have to do for now.
• There are some amazing people on twitter.
• I wonder what my life would be like if I had never met them².
• To quote JM again, I’m perfectly lonely³.
• The Masquerade Ball was a blast.
• This year’s TIFF would not have been as great if it weren’t for Christine Estima, Michael Nus and destiniya⁴.
• I’m excited to watch Glee tomorrow after I get home.
• Thursday, Sept 23rd is Social Good Day. Today, Toronto Twitter Peeps will be raising money for Holland Bloorview Kids Rehabilitation Hospital. Find out more and/or RSVP at the Mashable meet-up Page.
• I can’t wait for Grey’s Anatomy on Thursday.
• I can’t wait for the weekend to begin.
• I’m slightly confused about something but I’m not sure I should talk to the person about it.
• I’m trying hard not to let my emotions get the better of me but sometimes, it’s just hard.
• I just want to live in clean.

That is all…

Footnotes:

1. sometimes[↩]
2. I probably would still be pining for the douche that was DRO[↩]
3. but it would still be nice to have someone to hang out with on a more regular basis[↩]
4. and of course all the usual suspects who make ANY event amazing[↩]

As Labour Day weekend has come and gone and with September 22nd fast approaching, yet another summer comes to an end. I’ve had a bit of trouble thinking up things to write about that doesn’t involve what is constantly on my mind¹. But with the way this year started I think it might be important to take note of all the wonderful-ness I was able to experience this summer.

Photo courtesy of Jason Howlett

And in fact, I’m going to go as far back as March because really that’s where it all began. March 1st was like a special New Year’s just for me: Thanks to Onestà, I had gotten a brand new haircut from a super professional that was flown in from LA², I had finally cut ties with a man who wasn’t much of a man at all and I was starting a brand spanking, new and exciting job. And then I also found out I was selected to be a Stage Manager at Canadian Music Week 2010.

And while I was volunteering for Canadian Music Week 2010 I met Canadian Singer & Songwriter Dan Hill, as well as Don Schlitz. It was an unreal experience to be sitting mere feet away from them, all the while knowing that if the time is up I am going to be the most hated person in the room. Seeing these vets perform made me realise what a true musical genius looks like, the ease with which Don’s fingers plucked his guitar strings. The smoothness of both their voices as they performed some classics. I simply melted. But beyond that, I was able to discover some new artists³ and meet some pretty cool people.

Canadian Music Week 2010

After that work exploded and I didn’t get to do very much with my life other than spend time with someone who keeps my sanity⁴ and hang out with my girls. There weren’t any big events but there was plenty of memorable events. The next one I want to talk about was a fundraiser I put together for my dear friend CN at Bread & Circus. Lisa Waterstone, one of my favourite Ontario photographers, happened to be in town and was available to come down and take some great photos for us. I had fully intended on blogging about the evening but apparently never got around to it for one reason or another⁵. We had performances by A Northern Drawl, Carla Sacco⁶, DJ Dirtyred featuring Mr. Mandelephant who were all gracious enough to donate their time. Everyone came, drank, enjoyed three very different sounds of all great music and we raised over $500 for cancer research!

A Northern Drawl

After my volunteer stint at CMW, I wanted to find more great things to get involved in so I applied and got offered volunteer positions with the Fringe Festival 2010⁷, and NXNEi⁸ – all the while being super busy at work mind you! Next up is my third favourite part of Summer 2010 – Camping at Silent Lake. As I may have already mentioned – despite the fact that I did not find the solitude I was expecting while camping, the serenity of Silent Lake still helped me get what I really needed out of that long weekend: relaxation. Which brings me to right about now. One word seems have to seeped its way into this life: Twitter. It all started with one Tweet-up.

And ever since I’ve been able to meet some pretty amazing people. There is a world of wonderfully supportive, creative, talented, driven, genuine people that I now get to Interact, Communicate & Engage (ICE!) with every day. And I just know it’s only the tip of the ICEberg Are you wondering who all these wonderful people are? It’ll all be revealed in due time.

How was your summer?

Credits:
Hair show photo – Jason Howlett
A Northern Drawl photo –  Lisa Waterstone

Footnotes:

1. It’s not shopping…[↩]
2. at a hairshow[↩]
3. I’ll tell you more about them in a little while. Maybe[↩]
4. but who isn’t a romantic interest and yet satisfies part of the need[↩]
5. i.e. life got in the way[↩]
6. she didn’t perform in costume[↩]
7. great festival to be a part of[↩]
8. North by North East interactive[↩]

“Fail to plan, plan to fail” — Harvey MacKay

The plan for this long weekend:

Friday¹ – Work my ass off at work then go to the Borough to spend time with family, go grocery shopping with Mum and learn how to make Pancit Bihon.

Satrday – Go for an early AM run. Spend the day cleaning up the apartment, and cleaning out my closet then get ready to go to Dinner with some awesome people… and then party hearty with even more awesome people.

Sunday – Go for a later AM run OR if that fails² do one of my broadway dancing/singing workouts in the house. Prepare the Pancit Bihon for a BBQ that starts in the late afternoon with some more great people³.

Monday – ME DAY. ME DAY. Aka Laundry and complete house cleaning day.

Will this all actually happen? Who knows. But at least I have every intention of following through…

What are you doing this weekend?

Footnotes:

1. today, der[↩]
2. because let’s face it, I’ll be hungover[↩]
3. you know who you all are[↩]